Category Archives: Words of Wisdom

Dude’s News: The Holiday Edition

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Passed Thanksgiving and fast on the way to Christmas. How does time move so quickly? The older we get the faster it moves? Or do kids do that to us? It’s hard to keep track of what’s going on in the chaotic circle of the Dudes.

As a result of the fast gallop that life is taking into the future, the Dude has once again accumulated some tasty morsels of internet sweetness. This edition of Dude’s News will be a bit of a potpourri, but there will be some holiday tinged items to keep us festive.

Local News

The resident photographer was out at a meeting the other night, so the Dude got to enjoy a solo dinner with the kiddos. Dinner conversation with the kids is always fun. The Princess generally leads the way.

Princess: I don’t like sweet potatoes. I don’t like sweets.

Dude: Sweet potatoes aren’t that sweet.

After a minute of contemplation. Princess: I like candy. It’s a type of sweet.

This exchange is followed immediately by, Princess: But I don’t want dessert tonight.

Dude: Ok.

Princess: Mom gave me a consequence this afternoon; no dessert. But I’m all right with it. Mom gave me a choice – tv or dessert – and I chose dessert. I felt like telling the truth would be better because later you would have said, Princess why didn’t you tell the truth?

She’s right, I would have. I congratulated her on telling the truth, and we talked about what happened while we finished dinner.

As I was clearing the table, Princess: But Mom said I could choose not to sleep in my bed, and that’s what I chose. I’ll just have to sleep in the bean bag.

Dude: No, that’s a punishment for us dealing with a tired version of you tomorrow.

She’s crafty, just like her mother.

In other local news, Princess finally has a loose tooth! Hasn’t fallen out yet, but it’s on the way. And, the boy’s hair is growing fast and furious. We are officially passed the one year mark (Thanksgiving) since his last haircut. Awesome.

Evolution of a Crazy Man

Evolution of a Crazy Man

Say It Ain’t So
Is the U.S. government seriously considering pizza as a vegetable?! For real?! This is some sort of bizzarro world, right? House of Representatives say pizza = vegetable. 🙁

 11 Best Illustrated Children’s & Picture Books of 2011
Unfortunately, I can’t say that I’ve read all (or any) of these books, but they all seem pretty dope, so I figured I’d share.

Street Skiing
When I grew up, we use to drive six hours to Upstate New York for a week long ski vacation each year. We had friends that lived in NY, so it was a good excuse to visit and enjoy a week of skiing at the local mountain.

This dates me a bit, but snowboarding wasn’t even really an option at that point. It was skiing or nothing. By the time I hit college, I traded in the skies for a snowboard, and I never really looked back. Skiing seemed dated to me.

But skiing has regained much of its coolness over the years, and this video actually made me envy skiers again. Thanks Kottke.

[vimeo]http://vimeo.com/32863936[/vimeo]

Super rad, right? But back to my original point. Long distance family road trips. Awesome…in a grueling way.

We took a trip to West Virginia for Thanksgiving. It was a great time in the mountains with family, but the seven hour car ride was a bit challenging. Anytime with two adults, two children, three dogs, plus luggage, locked in a vehicle for seven hours is going to be tough. Now mix in some puke, and you have a legendary (or is it normal?) family road trip.

The Princess got sick about five minutes after we entered the car for the ride home. She handled it like a champ, and there was no sign of sickness the next day. Made for a brutal trip, but glad it passed quickly.

Good times.

Education
Free education…that’s fun?! Can’t be. But it is. Check out this awesome site (www.KhanAcademy.com) that is so simple, but such an amazing idea.

Over the years, I’ve realized how important – and cool – math really is, but figured I squandered my opportunities in school to truly understand it. Strange considering my Dad is a math professor. But Khan Academy has given me the gift of free math tutoring that is easy and fun…for real. And although they (really just he) started with math, there are all sorts of new topics coming online.

Here’s how the site describes itself:

Watch. Practice.
Learn almost anything for free.
With a library of over 2,700 videos covering everything from arithmetic to physics, finance, and history and 253 practice exercises, we’re on a mission to help you learn what you want, when you want, at your own pace.

Learning
The Dude is a big fan of education. Not necessarily “formal education,” but learning in general. It’s fun to learn new things, and beyond love, it’s probably the most important aspect of life. So we is that we start to learn?

How about before we’re born?! Sweet! This is a cool TED talk…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=stngBN4hp14[/youtube]

Surf Break
Everyone needs a little surf in their life. Here’s your dose for today with a surfer with one of the coolest names, Taj. (Thanks Kid)

[vimeo]http://vimeo.com/32449778[/vimeo]

Christmas List!
For all of those hard to shop for little dudes and dudettes, here is the Dude’s absolutely favorite list of the 5 Best Toys of All Time from Wired Magazine.

If you know Wired, you’re probably expecting some sweet technical gadgets, but be prepared to be amazed by simplicity. Love it.

History
In the first edition of Dude’s News I mentioned an article that discusses that early humans (as in 100,000 year old humans) were intelligent enough to seek out and mix materials to create paint for cave art. Very impressive.

Along the same lines, here’s an article that suggests that humans 42,000 years ago had enough “high levels of planning and complex maritime technology” to go deep sea fishing for tuna! Unreal. Our educational system teaches us about the last one to two thousand years, and the way we learn it makes it seem like there isn’t much to learn beyond that. Seems like there was a whole lotta life going on before our current frame of reference.

Time
Awesome article. Ten Things Everyone Should Know About Time. Time is a amazing.

Here’s a sneak peek at #10:
10. A lifespan is a billion heartbeats. Complex organisms die. Sad though it is in individual cases, it’s a necessary part of the bigger picture; life pushes out the old to make way for the new. Remarkably, there exist simple scaling laws relating animal metabolism to body mass. Larger animals live longer; but they also metabolize slower, as manifested in slower heart rates. These effects cancel out, so that animals from shrews to blue whales have lifespans with just about equal number of heartbeats — about one and a half billion, if you simply must be precise. In that very real sense, all animal species experience “the same amount of time.” At least, until we master #9 and become immortal.

Make sure to enjoy all one and a half billion beats!

Space
University of California, Berkeley, astronomers have discovered the largest black holes to date ‑- two monsters with masses equivalent to 10 billion suns that are threatening to consume anything, even light, within a region five times the size of our solar system.

Stop and ponder that for a minute. The size of 10 billion of our suns!? Think about the size of the Universe. We are just a tiny little speck in the middle of nowhere among an infinite amount of galaxies, stars, and planets. From a sheer statistical perspective, there’s no way we are alone in the Universe. No way. There is soooo much we have no clue about.

Smile!

  • Children smile 400 times per day
  • Smile + frown = smile
  • Darwin: Facial Feedback Response Theory = smiling makes us feel better
  • Smiling creates as much brain stimulation as 2k bars of chocolate
  • Smiling reduces stress enhancing hormones, increases mood enhancing hormones, & lowers blood pressure.
  • Smiling makes us appear more likeable, courteous, and competent.

Seems like we should all be smiling much more.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U9cGdRNMdQQ[/youtube]

Holiday Rituals
In the last edition of Dude’s News, I mentioned that I’ve been testing out the “primal” diet/lifestyle, and I have to say that it is going very well. Based on a month or so of walking the walk, I would highly recommend considering it. The ideas seem like commonsense…to the Dude anyway.

Here’s a recent post from Mark’s Daily Apple, the primal blog that I’ve been following, that discusses ritual, and it’s a great reminder of the importance of our holiday rituals, regardless of what they are.

Over the years, I’ve questioned the specifics of the rituals to much, and as a result I lost the bigger picture. It is important to bond us, as groups, in a common story and experience. Rituals help us know who we are and where we come from.

Keep up the rituals, and if you don’t have any, now’s a great time to start.

Being a Dad is the Bee’s Knees

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Bee's Knees

Bee's Knees

Bee’s knees is such a fantastic, great, rad way to say fantastic, great, rad. According to the Urban Dictionary the reasoning behind such a great phrase is…

“When bees flit from flower to flower the nectar sticks to their legs. The phrase “bee’s knees” means sweet and good, because the knees of the bee are where all the sweet, good stuff is collected.”

What a great way to describe something!…anything! Bee’s knees. Classic.

Anyway…back to the point. Being a Dad is the bee’s knees. There are endless examples of this. We should probably be more aware of the bee’s-kneesness of things, but life is life. It’s tough to be present all the time. But sometimes we get a jolt that brings us back. The Princess gave me a jolt tonight.

Blog topics tend to come and go with me. If I don’t write down my thoughts, like a bee, they flit away. And even after I write them down, the thoughts could still end up on the cutting room floor.

So is the case with tonight’s post…at least before I got a good jolt.

One night last week, the Dude and the Princess entered into their nightly ritual – the “What did you do today?” ritual. One of my favs. It went something like this…

Dude: What did you do at school today?

Princess: We had gym class outside. We had to run six laps. We were walking at the end, and the teacher yelled “Girls 30 seconds!”, and we started to run as fast as we could.

Dude: Whoa. Walking? Were you supposed to be running? You need to try your hardest. Don’t be the kid at the back walking.

Now, please keep in mind that this is the girl who claims she doesn’t want to be a dancer when she grows up because it makes her ribs tired! I know!…ribs tired?! How is that even possible? It’s safe to say she could toughen up a bit.

Princess: I only like running on some days…Wednesdays and sometimes a little on Tuesday.

Apparently the day matters for her to run?!

Dude: So the day matters?

Princess: I don’t want to talk about it right now.

Dude: OK, but try your hardest at everything you do.

Princess: I know what to do now.

And that was the end of it. Seemed like a funny conversation. Perhaps blog worthy. But I let it fall on the cutting room floor. Other things to think about.

That is, until the Princess initiated the daily ritual tonight.

Princess: Know what happened today?

Dude: Nope. What happened?

Princess: We had to run five laps at gym today, and you know what?

Dude: What?

Princess: I ran all five laps. And I wasn’t even tired. I just kept running.

She was SO proud of herself.

And so was I.

Being a Dad is the bee’s knees.

Anything You Say Can & Will Be Used Against You

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Princess - Celts

Princess - Celts

There should be a Miranda Warning for parents.

Undoubtedly, anything you say can and will be used against you…by the kids.

Usually The Princess clears her plate after dinner, but the other night I offered to clear it for her. As I turned to walk away, I heard…

Princess:  “While you’re doing the job, take this with you.”  As she held her empty juice box up to me.

Dude:  Laughs.

Princess:  “That’s what you do to me.”

So true.

PS – Go Celts!

Daily Pixels: Round and Round

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Mrs. Dude:  “Where’s your lunch box?”

Princess:  “I have no idea.”

Mrs. Dude:  “Think.”

Without any thought.  The Princess:  “Oh yeah, it’s at school.”

Adding too much information.  The Princess:  “I only ate half.”

Mrs. Dude:  The stink-eye, without uttering a sound.

The Princess:  “Just kidding…I’ll eat the other half tomorrow…?”

Mrs.  Dude:  “Not now.  It’s old.”

The Princess:  “I know.”

Huh?

Kid logic is great.  Just talking in circles.

Let me see if I have this right.

So, you couldn’t remember where your lunch box was, but without any thought you remembered it was at school.  You then proceeded to say that you only ate half…which Mom didn’t ask.  But come to find out you’re joking.  Joking about not knowing where the lunch box was?  Joking about only eating half?  Never mind, you say you’ll eat it tomorrow….but you also know you won’t eat it tomorrow because it’s old.

I think I deciphered that correctly.

These conversations make the Dude’s head spin round and round.

PS – Please notice how the pony’s hair is carefully braided.  We can’t have an MLP leaving the house with messy hair.

Double PS – I was going to try to fit Ratt’s classic hit Round and Round into this post, but I got lazy trying to work it in.  However, for all of my loyal readers that love 80’s Hair Metal, I felt it was my duty to stuff it into a “Double PS.”  All the metal-heads, break out your rock horns, here’s a link to your daily dose of hair:  Ratt – Round and Round.

Round and Round

Farley

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Last Friday The Princess had an after-school play-date with her best friend from preschool.  Unfortunately, these two young ladies had to part ways for kindergarten.

As you may guess, the play-date was a joyous occasion.

Joyous until it was time to say good-bye.  The departure led to a teenage attitude in a five year old body.  To calm the troubled waters, Mrs. Dude had to promise the girls could talk on the phone to say goodnight.

And The Princess didn’t forget.  They were chatting away at 9PM.

I didn’t hear much of the conversation.  There was a lot of giggling and screeching.  A 5-year old and a phone is a strange combination.  I think the phone was held up to the TV for half the conversation.

The small piece I did make out reminded me of the comic genius of the late, great Chris Farley.

“Remember that play-date we had today?”  Pause.  “Yeah, me too.  It was fun.”

Blog worthy?  I don’t know, but it had me crackin’ up.

Daily Pixels: The Belly Button Store

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A few days ago, The Princess and I were enjoying some time in the yard.  I forget what we were doing, but I suspect it was the usual “time in the yard” activities.  I was most likely inspecting the plants, and The Princess was probably swinging.

I decided to head in, and I mentioned “Let’s go in and see what Mommy and Little Dude are doing.”

The Princess replied with, “Nope.  I’m going to the belly button…the belly button store.  To get a new belly button.”

Awesome.

I wasn’t sure what to make of it.  I laughed and headed in.

Such a great comment.  Out of nowhere.

Does this mean she’s growing up, and her imagination and humor are taking shape?  Or is she’s holding on to the innocence of early childhood and talking nonsense?

She knew it was funny.  I think she was telling a joke.

She loves going to school now.  And she’s learning a lot in the first month.  All signs are pointing to The Princess doing a great job growing up.

And tonight was the next step towards adulthood; no more booster seat.  She made the request, so we made it happen.

We’ll see how it goes, but I think it’s in storage until Little Dude needs it.

Booster Seat

Booster Seat

No Booster

No Booster Seat

The Princess Speaks

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Princess Speaks

Princess Speaks

When a five year old speaks, the verbal onslaught is completely unpredictable…and hilarious.

It seems the Princess has some innate parenting skills…which she is happy to share with the Dude…

  • “Babies don’t like the dark.”
  • “Babies like to be with Mom.”
  • “I can’t feed Little Dude; I have little girl nipples.”
  • “It’s alright if he cries.  It hurts my ears, but I’m not frustrated.”
  • “Mom we’ve tried everything with Little Dude and he won’t cooperate.  I think he’s hungry.”

These parenting skills extend past Little Dude to the Dude.  Some of her go to lines these days…including hands on the hips and eyes rolling…

  • “What has gotten into you?”
  • “How many times do I have to tell you this?”

Another innate quality or already brainwashed by The Man?  Consumerism…Nature vs. Nurture

  • Princess excitedly proclaims,  “I just saw a bed on TV for $70!”
    Dude:  “Great.  Is that a good deal?  Do we need a bed?”

How are they making a bed look appealing to a five year old?  And why?  Just to torture parents?

  • While watching a kids channel, which should be providing quality stimulus but instead advertises products to kids that will torment parents, the Princess shouts to Mrs. Dude, “We need to go here.  I’m not sure where it is, but it’s only $53 a night.”

For real?!  Can we take a break from selling stuff 24 hours per day…to five year olds who have no money?  The Princess can’t distinguish a one dollar bill from a twenty dollar bill, but that commercial somehow has her convinced that $53  per night is a good deal and worth a trip to No Man’s Land.  Get out of our heads TV!

Pink one?In addition to hilarity, most Princess speak also includes a heavy dose of cuteness.

  • Accepting a serious life transition; “I like having a new brother in my life.”
  • Watching Mommy nurse; “Is he biting you?”
  • Talking to her friends at school; “When you have a new brother or sister, you can have a baby vacation too.”
  • While she enjoyed her first experience with the Wizard of Oz; “You can’t buy a brain.  All you need to do is ask God.”
  • Trying to avoid dreaded bedtime; Dude: “What time is it?”  Princess:  “Don’t ask Mommy, she doesn’t know.”
  • Mental preparation for the next big life transition, kindergarten; “I have to go to school in the fall.  But I can still trick or treat.  It’s at night, not during the day.”
  • Picking out the uniform for her new hobby, Tae Kwan Do (i.e. the all white “karate” uniform); “Mommy, is there a pink one?”

It’s pretty fun to witness life coming together one day at a time for a kid.

You Can Call Life Whatever You Want

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A general theme is developing around the Dude’s house, and it’s a theme developed by a five year old princess; “You Can Call Life Whatever You Want.”

The original discussion centered around the word “water.”  The Princess pronounces water “wuter;” it could be a southern thing.  The Dude asked her about this, and the Princess explained that water and wuter are the same thing.   The Dude must have appeared perplexed because this was followed by “You can call life whatever you want.”  And the overriding household theme began.

It seems like this phrase is referenced on a daily basis, like when freckles are referred to as nipples (as in “How did you get nipples on your hand?” or “You have a nipple on your face.”) or zucchini is referenced as bikini (As in “I don’t want any bikinis on my plate.”).

However, it has morphed into a justified reason for almost all of the nuances of life, like a tooth fairy debate:  Princess proclaims, “The tooth fairy brings gold coins.”  Dude responds, “I’m not so sure about that.”  Princess follows with “That’s ok, you can call life whatever you want.”

Observations from the Princess

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The Princess

The Princess

1.  As we’re watching the Celtics in the NBA Finals (Go Celts!), and Rondo makes an acrobatic move to the basket that leads to a hard collision between his head and the floor, the Princess chimes in by suggesting that “They should have a carpet.”  Very true, that fall would have hurt less with a carpet.

2.  During a trip to the beach…You always need to dig a hole and bury poop at the beach because if it’s out someone might think it’s a rock and pick it up, and that’s gross.  Again, very true, and this is most likely the reasoning behind the town ordinances requiring that we clean up after our dogs…oh, to be a fly on the wall during that meeting…

“Earl, we need to require people to pick up their poop on the beach.”

“Jim, you’re crazy.  We live in America…the land of the free!”

“Earl, if we don’t clean it up, or at least dig a hole and bury it, someone will think it’s a rock and take it home, and that’s gross.”

“Very true, Jim.  The poop law is enacted.”

I’m starting to believe five year olds can run this world.