Lessons in Love: 10 Years of Marriage…and a Bunch of Blog Posts

The Mrs and I celebrated 10 years of marriage this year.

A 7 day all-inclusive trip to Antigua – pretty awesome, but we did lose an iPhone (last picture to the right), get food poisoning, and realize we’re not all-inclusive people.

Life is full of lessons.

This momentous occasion led me to think about doing my part to make the next 10 the very best they can be.

Wish I could say I have it all figured out, but really do we ever have it figured out – life, love, ladies…very confusing topics.

I horde links of great blog posts on the reg, so I turned to my “Love” category to see what lessons I need to incorporate in the next 10 amazing years of wedded bliss…

Lessons in Love

Let’s start with a couple quotes from Esther Perle

A Definition of Love by Esther Perel

It’s a verb. It’s an active engagement with all kinds of feelings—positive ones and primitive ones and loathsome ones. But it’s a very active verb. And it’s often surprising how it can kind of ebb and flow. It’s like the moon. We think it’s disappeared, and suddenly it shows up again. It’s not a permanent state of enthusiasm.

Marriage by Esther Perel

Marriage is an aggregate of multiple narratives. It belongs to the people who are in it, but it also belongs to the people who are supporting it and living around it: family, friends, community. As I once said, and it became a kind of a saying for me, when you pick a partner, you pick a story, and then you find yourself in a play you never auditioned for. And that is when the narratives clash.

How to Easily Make Your Relationships Awesome: 4 Secrets

  • Bids & responses
  • Turn toward bids
  • Decode bids
  • Ok to miss 20%
  • Curiosity, depth, and feelings
  • Collector of emotional moments

8 Things Happily Married Couples Do 

  • Pay compliments
  • Express thanks
  • Take their workload
  • Apologize when wrong
  • Help de-stress
  • Physical – light touch, small kiss
  • Send partner out
  • Send self out

Became More Self-Aware in Your Marriage

  • Tripple A
    • Attention
    • Affection
    • Acknowledgment
  • “Thank you for putting aside yourself to do this for me.”

100 Small, Nice Things

  • All good ideas

5 Habits of Happy Marriages

  • Prioritize positivity
  • Cultivate healthy passion
  • Savor experiences
  • Focus on character strengths
  • Emphasize gratitude

7 Tips for Building a Marriage

  • Daily practice
  • Make sure on the same page
  • Control your own happiness
  • Balance parenting and marriage
  • Ask, “how can I help?”

8 Communication Traits of Happy, Healthy Marriages

  • Daily appreciations – quantity leads to happiness
  • Active listening
  • Write down criticisms – if ever needed
  • Practice positivity – 5:1 ratio positive:negative
  • Embrace the power of timeout
  • Make contact
  • Use “I” statements
  • Ask questions – get curious

How to Keep a Long-Term Marriage Thriving, According to 7 Happily Married Men

  •  Prioritize date-nights
  • Remember the little things
  • Revisit places
  • Know love languages
  • Surprise romantic gestures
  • Court once per month
  • Compliment her

How to Have a Happy Marriage: Powerful Secrets from Research

  • Bad things are exceptions, good things are traits
  • Give thanks
  • Celebrate the good times (capitalization)
  • Communication is key
  • Try a new restaurant after you go skydiving

10 Relationship Skills All Husbands & Wives Need to Master

  • Show appreciation (validation): be there, listen
  • Listen: what would help you most right now?
  • Avoid interruption
  • Flirt: practice posture of interest
  • Set appropriate boundaries
  • Prioritize marriage
  • Watch words during arguments: use “I” statements
  • Stay clear of invalidation
  • Know when to take a timeout
  • Pay attention to body language

Small Facial Expressions Let You Know Your Marriage is Happy

  • 80% of communication is nonverbal – faces display an immense amount of information
  • Grab nose = more space
  • Bite or grab lower lip = solve a problem/get rid of something
  • Upper lip = stimulated by conversation or appearance
  • Copied or repeated behaviors = positive
  • Rolling eyes and not focusing on the partner = lack/loss of respect

Happy 4th Anniversary Mrs. Dude – Love The Dude…and Old Gregg

The Mrs. and I celebrated our 4th wedding anniversary yesterday. Amazing. How does time move so quickly?

Remember when a school day seemed long? And a school year?! Insanely long.

Now, life is moving at a lightning pace. 4 years! Awesome.

Thanks for being you.

And thanks for introducing me to Old Gregg.

When the Mrs. and I began our courtship (You like that old-timey choice of words? I’m retro.), she introduced me to the most amazingly bizarre, creepy, and hilariously funny video – Old Gregg.

Old Gregg is one of the creepiest, yet amazingly funny videos I’ve come across. It’s an instant classic.

To celebrate our 4th anniversary, I give you the scaly man fish – Old Gregg…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eIInySnQe4I[/youtube]

Baby On Board

Baby on Board

Baby on Board

We had our 24 week baby checkup today. That’s 6 months! I.E. – 2/3 of the way to new baby land!!

Three kids under one roof?! We’re really doing this, huh?

Great news, everyone is healthy and looking good for the estimated shipping date of early January. We’re super jazzed to welcome the newest dude/dudette.

And as I wander through life pondering the newest Dude Family addition (and wondering how we’re going to manage three at one time), I often find myself singing “Baby on Board” by Homer Simpson and the B Sharps…Homer’s barbershop quartet.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pURFU3pL93o[/youtube]

This always brings a chuckle to me. Walking around laughing to myself. Tis the world of the Dude.

Then I look at Mrs. Dude for confirmation of my incredible wit…and nothing. No smile, no chuckle, nada.

At first I thought this was because she was blocking me out – she’s really good at that – but then I realized that she doesn’t have any clue about the “Baby on Board” song! She is not a Simpsons fan…at all!

Blasphemous, I know!

It turns out that Mrs. Dude thinks that “only boys watch the Simpsons.” Oh Mrs. Dude. Muy mal, muy mal, indeed.

Well, add the Simpsons to the list of shows that Mrs. Dude has missed out on. If you’re keeping score, Mrs. Dude has no idea who Bob Ross is (wha, wha, what?!!), and detests Seinfeld…crazy, I know. I finally got her to watch South Park (which she loved – but won’t admit), but I had sit on her and hold her eyes open to make that happen (Just kidding Rex…no physical violence was required. :))

So, what’s the point of this post?

  1. The newest Dude bambino is a short 3 months from delivery and all is well.
  2. The Dude is hilarious and has fantastic sense of humor and  a great taste in TV.
  3. Mrs. Dude is missing out on the finer things in life…like The Simpson and South Park.

That’s it. Nothing else to see here. Keep on truckin’.

PS – These are the kind of posts that the 3rd child gets. 🙂

Love Shack – Worst Song Ever?

B-52's-Love Shack

B-52’s-Love Shack

Mrs. Dude: “I DO NOT like Love Shack.”

Dude: I’m glad you said that.  I don’t think I could be with someone who likes that song…I probably should have asked that earlier in our relationship.”

Worst song ever? It just may be.

Thankfully Mrs. Dude agrees.

A match made in heaven.

It pains me to share this link, but just so you can be reminded how bad it really is; Love Shack

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=leohcvmf8kM[/youtube]

The Dude Family is Growing by Two Feet!

Dude's Growing by 2 Feet

Dude's Growing by 2 Feet

Hear ye, hear ye…

We are amazingly excited to announce that the Dude’s are adding a couple more feet to the family tree. Yep, we are crazy enough to bring three kiddos into the family…and officially outnumber the adults!

A few highlights…

  • We are expecting in mid January, but given the track record of early arrivals, we’re predicting a New Year’s baby.
  • We won’t be finding out boy or girl until that beautiful little melon pops out to the see the world.
  • We’d love to figure out a home-birth, but NC has some crazy regulations for home-births, so we’re still figuring out who will have the honor of welcoming the bambino into the world.
  • The Princess is super jazzed to be a big sister again.
  • Little Dude keeps changing the subject when we ask him where the baby is…seems like he’s still adjusting. 🙂

Stay tuned for more Dude Family updates!

Baby In the Belly...

Baby In the Belly...

Happy Mother’s Day!

From the Dudes to you, happy Mother’s Day. You are insanely important, immensely overworked, and incredibly under appreciated. You’re the glue that holds it all together.

Dad’s are pretty cool too…but Mom’s are the bomb. We love you!

Here are some quick highlights of the Dudes’ Mama’s Day festivities…

Cue the Boyz II Men…

The Dude loves the minivan. I’ve made no secret of my affinity for the gorgeous champagne yacht. In fact here’s a direct quote from one of my many minivan posts:

“As I’ve mentioned, I love our minivan.  Mrs. Dude is still somewhat skeptical, but I dig it.  And for all the haters, we’ve got a captain’s hat and a mini machine gun to let them know we are legit minivaners.”

But there has been a mutiny in Dude Land. The Capt. and his ship have been pillaged.

Here’s a quote from Mrs. Dude:

Things I won’t miss about the minivan:
1. the sticky steering wheel. (it was sticky b/c it was old, and touched by many hands not b/c I didn’t clean it)
2. the rims, they matched the paint job…gold.
3. the ceiling falling on our heads
4. the looks I got from people while driving the mini van, most just giggled.

Mrs. Dude and the Princess have teamed up to overrule the Dude and ship that champagne beauty off to uncharted waters.

Apparently they didn’t like the awesome gold rims, the roof falling on their heads, yadda, yadda, yadda.

She’s been sold to a fisherdude, who will stuff her full of fishing gear…rather than baby gear. I hope they form a strong bond…and the capt. hat gets good use.

Via con dias, minvan.

Champagne Queen

Champagne Queen

Cue the Boyz II Men…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8b3mftcV0dY&feature=player_embedded[/youtube]

 

Here’s to Our Version of Danny & Annie

June is a busy month around the Dude casa. School’s out, so that’s adds to the crazy. There are also a few special days for us to celebrate. A bunch of family birthdays…Lady in the Shoe has like 25 kids. Close to home, we have the Princess and Little Dude celebrating their big day only five days apart…great for duel bday parties!

But beyond the cake and candles, me and the Mrs. share our anniversary early in the month. We celebrated with a great dinner at a local restaurant, but I let time slip by without a post to commemorate the day.

I had a video saved to share, but I filed it away where I couldn’t find, so here we are three weeks late after I stumbled upon it. I considered saving it for next year, but clearly my filing system needs some improvement. So I figured I’d share now. Better late than never.

Happy belated anniversary Mrs. Dude. Here’s to our version of Danny & Annie…

What if the World was Made of Pudding?

Life is full of deep questions.

We go through our days acting like we have it all figured out.  Simply tune into 24-hour news station to hear experts being experty…O’reilly anyone?

But that’s just an extreme example. We all do it. Everyday, all day. That’s how we get through life. Fake it until we make it.

Parenting is nothing but faking it until we make it. Bachelor Dude was not much different from Daddy Dude. Sure, we lived a somewhat different daily existence, but down deep, we’re the same dude. But one day I woke up and I was a Dad, and the the parental faking began. My parents did it before me, and their’s before them. That’s how we exist. We experience, and we learn from our experiences.

However, the rub is that down deep, we really don’t know…about anything. We can act like we are the best parents in the world, but we’re just making it up as we go. We’re ok given our conditions, but no one has the answers. In the same way that no corporation is the perfect corporation, no government is the perfect government, no country the perfect country. We need to be careful of the “experts” we put our faith in.

We let our experty faking abilities cloud the reality that regardless of how much we have advanced as a civilization (mind you many civilizations have advanced quite well before us), we are still very far from understanding the most essential mysteries of life. We are easily consumed by our daily activities, but if we take the time to ponder the biggest of the big pictures, it is easy to see we are clueless.

Which isn’t a bad thing. In fact, it’s a great thing. Acknowledging the unknown creates so much opportunity. It allows us to drop our minor worries (that often seem major) and focus our attention on priorities. Cheesy, yes…but life, love, family, happiness, community. All of the really fun, warm words that bring us closer to each other.

Where is my rabbit hole of ramblings leading us?

Mrs. Dude and I battle over bugs. Mrs. Dude is very anti-bug in the house….especially spiders. Not that I’m pro-bug in the house, but the Dude generally abides. I’m not overly concerned about a spider.

Mrs. Dude used to squeal an ax-murder scream and expect the Dude to ride in on his white horse to save her every time a bug was encountered. Then reality set in. I don’t kill bugs. I catch them and put them outside. And most of the time I don’t catch them well, so they generally escape.

I’m not worried about it. I’m not bothering the bug; I don’t expect them to bother me. This philosophy doesn’t sit well with Mrs. Dude.

Reluctantly, she has accepted me for who I am. She now kills her own bugs…and leaves them for me to clean up.

But the deep questions still linger in my mind. While I am now just the janitor that scoops up the kill, I’m still involved in the process. It makes me wonder where we draw these arbitrary lines.

If I’m confused, my kids must be as well. Should I just fake it until I make it? Ignore my ignorance of the answers to life’s deeper questions?

So, the ramblings lead us here, to this video. I came across this video today, and I was going to share it with Mrs. Dude so she’ll know what I’m singing to her every time she requests that I clean up a dead bug, but then I figured a quick blog post would be in order. Now 45 minutes and 10 paragraphs later I’m finally getting to the video.

Seriously, what if the world was made of pudding?

Public Service Announcement: Save the Blog!

Do you remember the Public Service Announcements from the 80’s?! They were awesome!

Instead of a commercial for some sort of toy we didn’t need, our favorite cartoons (which if watched now are totally hilarious in their own right – Snorks?!) were sometimes randomly broken up by amazingly awesome announcements that the public must absolutely be aware of. Messages like cheese is a great snack, turn pot handles in on the stove, and my all-time favorite, school lunch is good.

The entire 80’s scene is priceless. Cheesy cheesiness played out to bad music.

I still find myself “hankering for a hunk-a. Slab-a slice-a, chunk-a.” And singing “Pizza! Spaghetti! Burgers!” from time to time. Oh, Chow Daddy.

Who woulda thunk PSA’s would have such a lasting effect? Where did they go? I miss you awesome PSA’s.

This PSA won’t carry that same 80’s super radness, but it must be shared.

Are you aware the blog is dieing? The blog, as a category of writing/communication, has entered its death spiral. And Facebook and Twitter are to blame (don’t forget to follow those links to my pages – wink, wink).

Yeah, not really. Blogs probably aren’t dead.  But I did read a story on Newser today – I look for my news in no more than two paragraphs – that said the number of new blogs is on the decline due to new technologies/websites like Facebook and Twitter.

I don’t think we’re headed towards the death of the blog, but I do think great blogs need support. I love blogs as a form of communication. Blogs give the ability of mass communication to everyone. They give power to the little guy. And that’s a good thing.

I learn much more from the blogs I follow than I ever have from the depressing news that pours from our tv’s. And the ideas I’m reading about our topics I’m deeply interested in.  Good blogs are worth supporting.

So, as my public service announcement, I would like to introduce you to two new blogs that were born last night. I didn’t ask for permission from these blogs, but I figure there are times in life when you need to head out on the ledge and take a chance…so I guess I’ll give a little push onto the ledge.

Drum-roll please.

World, say hello to Drama Train and Boomer Along the Watchtower.

Drama Train
Drama Train

Boomer Along the Watchtower
Boomer Along the Watchtower