The Death of My 99-Year-Old Grandfather Made Me a Better Person [Lead by Example & Choose Your Examples Wisely]

That is what love is made of...

That is what love is made of…

My Grandfather passed away last week. 99!

Actually, 98 and 337 days…28 days shy of 99. I’ll round up.

One heck of a run.

Here’s what our train ride looked like to/from the funeral…

 

2 1/2 year old in car seat for 12 hours or the train for 12 hours? Neither.

A whirlwind of travel misery and death.

And profound life lessons.

A little background on the legend that is Pop-Pop…

  • December 5, 1916 – November 7, 2015
  • Lt. Colonel in the U.S. Marine Corps
  • Four children, 10 grandchildren, 12 great-grandchildren.
  • Didn’t swear, smoke or drink.
    • The only drink he ever ordered was when he proposed to his lovely bride – Grandma, at Rockefeller Center. He ordered a whiskey sour, and “if you look there now, the full glass is still sitting there.”

Pop was an awesome dude. Cheerful. Kind. Always there with a joke and a smile. The most steadfast and consistent person I’ve ever met. If he said it, you know you could count on it.

He expected a lot out of you. But he didn’t make demands. He led with his actions, and you knew to follow suit.

He would say things like…

  • If it’s worth doing, it’s worth doing right.
  • The Marines have landed and the situation is well at hand.
  • The difficult we do immediately. The impossible takes a little longer.

Before giving a reading at the funeral (verse below), I said…

Pop is an amazing person. I’m honored to be up here. Gram and Pop are the example I live by every day.

Love you Gram

Love you Gram

With the passing of Gram and Pop, I’m left with the realization that I am now responsible for carrying on that example. Their legacy.

A bit cliché, but real.

It’s easy for examples to fade away. It’s difficult to choose the right examples. And even more difficult to follow that example.

When the end is in the future, examples remain examples. Ideals. When the end arrives, those ideals must be carried on. Or fade fast.

I’ve chosen the best possible example, and now it’s my turn to lead in the same way.

  • Always a smile to share.
  • Never a bad word for anyone.
  • A fighter for what I believe, but fight in the most loving way.
  • No complaints, angry faces, or mean-spirited actions.
  • Family is always the top priority, but love is all inclusive.

I am who I am, on so many levels, because of Gram and Pop’s love. I am the husband, father, and person that I am because of the lessons they passed on to me.

The brilliance of it all is Gram and Pop never once “taught” me a lesson. They passed on everything I need to know to live a good life and be a good person by just being themselves.

I am their legacy.

I wrote an essay for my college application about my Grandfather. I closed with…

I hope to make my Grandfather as proud of me as I am of him. 

20 years later, this is more important than ever.

The ideals that Gram and Pop lived by are in my hands. Their lessons live on through my actions.

An immediate jolt to responsibility.

I am a better person because Pop was in my life. The best example I’ve ever met.

Love you Pop. You will be missed. But your  legacy is safe with me.

1 Corinthians 13

Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends…And now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; and the greatest of these is love.

Still Time to Score for Valentine’s Day [More Importantly, XOXO on the Reg]

There’s only a couple rules we live by in the Dude casa.

  1. Never break a promise: Trust is important
  2. Always give a kiss goodnight…

You can’t get today back. Make sure the peeps you love, know it.

  • “I hope they know how much I love them.”
  • “I wish I had a chance to say I love you.”

Such simple regrets to avoid.

Don’t wait for the next holiday to say I love you and share a good night kiss.

Today’s the day.

Holidays? Gifts?

Meh.

Make every day the right day to share a special moment.

With that said, I love love. Any reason for an extra squeeze is good by me.

It’s a week away, but you still have time to score for Valentine’s Day. Here’s how…

You’re welcome.

Our New Normal {Awesome Mack}

This post has been 1 year, 72 days and two hours in the making. Hands down the hardest post anything I’ve ever had to write. But it feels good. Cathartic.

Mrs. Dude already shared some thoughts on her fabulous blog. To offer a preface to this post, many similarities below. That post was a bit of a collaboration – Mrs. Dude’s words, my editing. No need to recreate the wheel.

The Mrs. has received some amazing comments and messages from her post – heartfelt, inspiring and loving. Awesome.

But the best message – impeccable timing, but completely unrelated to the post – came from our own house. Princess penned the below gem today in her daily journal…

Awesome Mack

I love our little Mack. He is so nice, kind and sweet. One day I think Mack is going to grow a long mustache and plant flowers. And do yoga.

Nailed it! Future Mack seems super rad. The Dude is going to dig that cool cat.

Yes, that awesome picture did accompany the journal entry.

So what’s all the hub bub about Dudeski?

There’s not a lot to say, and at the same time, there’s so much to say.

His first birthday was perfect. No walking, no talking. But every rug-rat develops at their own pace.

Then the stress kicked in.

We began to question things when the party was over. We heard concerns from both Grandmas:

“Does he say any words? None?”

“He’s not using his fingers at all…still raking.”

“Notice his right foot? It drags when you help him walk.”

We started to consult Google. 12 month milestones. Yeah, not hitting many…any?!

We missed our 9 month appointment. Life moves fast with three! But, thinking back Jazzy Mack hit milestones up to 6-8 months. Then the milestones started to slow down.

Still in denial, the Mrs. and I countered with:

“He’s a quiet kid.”

“He has his sister and brother to do everything he needs.”

“Some kids just develop slower.”

Since both Grandmas also happen to be longtime nurses, we decided to listen to their concerns. We made an apt with our pediatrician to get her input. Concerns confirmed. This appointment has now led to many more – hearing test, thyroid test, a developmental specialist…

The first step was a pediatric developmental specialist. I was traveling for work. Yeah, not the best time to be apart, but the appointment came quick. And we had confidence in our handsome boy.

The development specialist is great (so I hear). She spent 2 hours conducting a very thorough exam – playing with Jasper and asking a lot of questions. As the appointment closed, she said the words that are forever locked in my noggin,

 “I think Jasper has cerebral palsy.”

I wasn’t there to hear the words come out, but I sure did feel them on the other end of a phone.

The Mrs. called me on the way out to tell me the news. We talk (I cursed…a lot), some tears are shed, and we just sit on the phone in silence. Hearts breaking. And we can’t even hug.

What just happened!?!?

As the days march on, we continue with more appointments – an MRI and a neurology consult.

The neurologist shows us Jasper’s MRI for the first time. It’s abnormal.

“There is white matter on the grey matter. I see lesions on the right and left side and additional spots in the back. Was Jasper premature?”

Jasper Mack was born at home, 42 weeks pregnant. No trauma, typical everything. Big & beautiful. 9.2 lbs of total babe.

“This is deeper then what I would expect with a typical CP child.”

She mentions this could have been caused from a stroke in utero. It could be metabolic or maybe a genetic disorder.

Heads spinning.

She gives us an order for physical therapy, occupational therapy, speech pathology, and a leg brace for the right leg that drags.

“I’m not convinced this is cerebral palsy, I’m not ruling it out though. I want therapy, more testing, and then we’ll have the geneticist see him.”

We leave her office, more confused than when we entered.

After weeks of research, we had almost become used to the idea that Jas has a mild form of CP…even grateful that’s all it was.

We headed directly to the hospital for x-rays of his hips and legs, blood work and urine cultures. Genetic blood tests came a couple weeks later – but results are two months out.

Now we wait.

We’re getting good at patience.

In the mean time, we’re working hard. More importantly, Mack is working hard!

We have therapy sessions four times a week, and the little man is getting used to the new leg brace.

In four short weeks we’ve gone from no unsupported steps and no words, to a lot of new sounds (maybe even words!), some sign language, and walking…as many as 25 steps…on his own!

I LOOOOOVE this guy! With every bit of my heart.

Jasper is almost 17 months old, and as much as I want to hear him say a word – a real word – walk on his own, or use his two cute little fingers to pick up food, I really just want him to keep smiling.

If you’ve met Jas, then you know he can light up a room with his smile. He is the happiest person I know, and that happiness is contagious to anyone in the same room.

With so many unanswered questions and endless unknowns, we are doing our best to live in the present, work with Jasper as much as possible, and remember how lucky we are.

Keep smiling Jasper Mack. We love you to the moon and back.

This is our new normal. Awesome Mack.

The Reality of Parenting: An Occasional Hit to the Groin

Parenting is rad. Very rad.

However, for anyone considering a journey down the parental path, every yin has a yang.

The reality of parenting?

Sometimes, as you stretch your arm across the counter to purchase a pound of your favorite coffee beans, an awesome man cub may just reach out and knock you in the midsection.

A toddler ambush. How do they have such a keen sense of attack?!

No matter how adorable, protect yourself. Cute AND sinister.

 

An 8-Bit Dude. All is Right with the World.

Drunk Uncle is an SNL skit popular with the kids in the streets.

The Dudes are sans TV, so all I know is what I gather from the Tube of You

Photo: Margarita day...  @alexbradshaw @caseybradshaw #topsailvaca2013

Which is made that much funnier by this guy…

Mrs. Dude’s bro.

You may recall this gorgeous grin after a couple too many margaritas on the Dude Fam Summer Vaca.

Like Madonna, he has since been known by one title…

Druncle.

As you might expect from Druncle, he’s not afraid to share a fantastically grown-up video game with a 3.5 year old.

Little Dude came home from a recent visit with Druncle to tell his dear ol’ dad all about pulling the “popo” out of their car so he could drive it and crash into things.

Grand Theft Auto. Yep.

To Druncle’s credit, the sound was off and the “no weapons” setting was on. Phew. At least Little Dude can only punch the popo.

As we watched the Super Bowl with Druncle the other day, Little Dude made it a point to show me the “car game,” as he affectionately calls the most obscene game ever created.

I was blown away.

Yeah, it’s violent. But that’s to be expected. And at the end of the day, it’s a game.

What blew me away was the the quality of the graphics. Wow.

I’ve never been a “gamer,” and I haven’t played something like that in years. It’s like you are watching a CNN newscast of an LA riot, and you’re controlling the participants. Very realistic.

Pretty cool. But it made me long for the good ol’ days of Nintendo. 8-bit video game magic.

Up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, B, A, Select, Start.

Who’s with me?!

I grew up blowing in the games to make them work. Where we had to use our imaginations to make ourselves believe the goalie in NHL Hockey actually looked like a goalie….psst…he can’t save the shot that riccochet’s off the post!

Where’s the work ethic with this new-fangled technology and the high quality graphics?!

Luckily, the Big Lebowski can make things right. He always does.

An 8-bit version of The Dude. All is right with the world.

Hat tip Open Culture.

Jazzy’s Numero Uno

I think I say this quite a bit, but….

Dang, life moves quick!

The Littlest Dude crossed the numero uno threshold this week.

No teeth, and not walking yet. But the Man Cub eats like a bear! 90th percentile in length needs the fuel.

It was a pretty awesome numero uno b-day party with the extended fam.

Happy birthday Littlest Dude.

12 Tips for Fatherhood Awesomeness

Little Dude - Before THE Haircut

Little Dude – Before THE Haircut

Short, but sweet.

I’d like to think I have a firm grasp on the majority of these tips, but some great reminders never hurt.

12 Tips for being a radical dad [from LifeHack]…

  1. Give ’em some love.
  2. Spend time with the rug rats.
  3. Show up at the big game/recital.
  4. Show the kids things you dig.
  5. Talk to them.
  6. Reading is always cool.
  7. Be grateful. And show it.
  8. Play.
  9. Treat everyone with respect and kindness.
  10. Smile.
  11. Pursue your bliss.
  12. Never too many “I love you’s”

Enjoy the Festivus: Hallelujia, Holy !#$@, Where’s the Tylenol?!

December already?! How does time move so quickly?

Tomorrow afternoon, the Dudes ship off on a two-day, 10 hour Cannonball Run up the Eastern Seaboard to enjoy an extended family holiday. Festivus at its best!

Ever felt like this during the holidays?

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KNFXk0GFiHc[/youtube]

Before our journey begins, a little holiday assistance from me to you…

1. Holidays = Meditation? | A great read from Zen Habits: Family Gatherings – The Ultimate Mindfulness Training Ground. My personal fav…

Let go of control. Stress often comes because we want to control how things go. Of course, we don’t really have control — we just think we do, or want to have control. Practice letting go and letting things happen. Practice not resisting what happens. Practice being happy no matter what happens.

2. Yule Log 2.0: If you don’t have a blazin’ fire to keep you toasty, let Yule Log 2.0 give you all the ambiance you need. Choose your fav, switch to full-screen, and let the magic happen.

 3. A traditionalist? | Let Netflix take care of your fake fire needs…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n3Vuwop3MGA[/youtube]

Last, but certainly not least, Festivus for the Rest of Us!

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dS7-jcsB_WQ[/youtube]

Buttholes Are Beautiful {Happy Turkey Day from the Dudes}

Shock Factor: The subjective measure of the psychological “impact” of any given event.

The Dude has been accused of enjoying the shock factor. Hence the title of this post?

It seems Little Dude shares this quality.

The three and a half year old is growing into his boyhood – chock-full of all the “poopie dutie” talk you can handle.

The Dudes were lucky enough to spend Turkey Day in the mountains of West Virginia, and Little Dude’s conversations headed towards bathroom-talk very quickly…just to see the reactions.

As we awoke early one morning to enjoy the quiet of the mountains, we wiped the sleep from our eyes and gazed out at the skyline in the distance. Little Dude nonchalantly mentioned to the Princess and I:

Buttholes.

Very matter of fact. No emotion. And again.

Buttholes.

Princess immediately followed with:

Stop!!! That’s gross!!!

And Little Dude – turning his gaze back to the skyline, with a confidence beyond his years:

No. They are beautiful.

Three year old boys. A natural wonder.

I chose not to respond. Luckily, I have not heard this discussion again.

Where does this insanity come from?!?

On the flip side, the sweetness is equally as amazing. Randomly, Little Dude likes to share…

I love you. I need a hug.

Other than discussions of unmentionable anatomy, the mountain/Turkey Day festivities were fab, including…

Sledding, photo bombs, hikes to the Big Daddy Tree, snowball fights, s’mores,  fried turkeys, grilled oysters and lots o’ family time…

Although, it is nice to be home. And get the kids back to work (notice the Princess and her pace, and of course Little Dude’s focus on safety-first)…

Notable updates…

  • The Littlest Dude has hit 10 months and is pulling up and making a fantastically amazing noise that is somewhere between a bird and a car.
  • The Princess watched the first five minutes of The Hunger Games and bought a slingshot the next day. Looking forward to our first squirrel dinner.

Update:

Everything you need to know about the sweet Turkey Day cabin wrapped into some smooth jazz from Ylvis. A lyrical genius.

The Cabin

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GVyDovLA2vw[/youtube]

The Dude Family is Growing by Two Feet!

Dude's Growing by 2 Feet

Dude's Growing by 2 Feet

Hear ye, hear ye…

We are amazingly excited to announce that the Dude’s are adding a couple more feet to the family tree. Yep, we are crazy enough to bring three kiddos into the family…and officially outnumber the adults!

A few highlights…

  • We are expecting in mid January, but given the track record of early arrivals, we’re predicting a New Year’s baby.
  • We won’t be finding out boy or girl until that beautiful little melon pops out to the see the world.
  • We’d love to figure out a home-birth, but NC has some crazy regulations for home-births, so we’re still figuring out who will have the honor of welcoming the bambino into the world.
  • The Princess is super jazzed to be a big sister again.
  • Little Dude keeps changing the subject when we ask him where the baby is…seems like he’s still adjusting. 🙂

Stay tuned for more Dude Family updates!

Baby In the Belly...

Baby In the Belly...