Category Archives: Little Dude

Zen and the Art of Parenting

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Zen and the Art of Parenting

Zen and the Art of Parenting

Zen and the Art of Parenting

It’s 2010.  We have women’s suffrage.  Women have broken through the “glass ceiling” in corporations worldwide.  I read the other day that for the first time, more women are now graduating with PhD’s than men!

Women have made huge strides in equality, but from where I sit, Mom’s still keep the house together.  I think it’s an instinctual ability.

When Dad  steps in on a solo mission, there’s always a chance for a little craziness.  The mission will be accomplished, but it’s never quite as smooth as when Mom handles it.

Tuesday offered a good test.  The Princess had her first dance class, followed by soccer practice numero dos, and Mrs. Dude had her first photography class.  It was a busy day.  Tuesdays will be busy for a few weeks.  If you do the math, this leaves the Dude managing all parental tasks including to and from soccer, dinner, bath, bed…sans Mrs. Dude.

Solo parenting is tough.  There are a lot of challenges managing multiple little lives.

Parenting definitely creates an environment conducive to increased levels of stress.  Opportunities to worry.  Reasons for frustration.

But, it also gives us a catalyst to focus on the moment we’re living in.   Worrying and/or getting  frustrated with kids makes the situation that much more difficult to handle.  Kids sense emotions and energy, and when the energy is off, kids tend to shut down.

It’s an interesting task running a solo mission and trying to balance peace and tranquility with the hurdles along the way.

Ever heard of the book Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance?  It grabs my attention every time I see it at a bookstore.  I’ve never read it.  I don’t have a motorcycle.

But, based on assumptions I’m making solely from the title, I think parenting offers similar opportunities to motorcycle maintenance.  Parenting is stressful, but we have a choice between letting stress get to us or going with the flow.

I’m no Zen scholar, but my loose understanding could be summed up with the phrase “going with the flow.”

So, Zen and the Art of Parenting.

I approached this solo mission as most dads would, blindly.  I didn’t give it much thought.  See, dads tend to stumble our way through things.  Like that whole not asking for directions stereotype…it’s a stereotype for a reason.

I planned to leave work a little early, pick up the kids, and hit the road.  Shouldn’t be more to it than that.

Except, he’s hungry and his milk supply is leaving to learn how to snap pictures, so it’s bottle time, it’s getting chilly so he needs to change, might as well change the diaper, make sure the diaper bag has all of the necessities, Princess needs to get dressed, she needs to find her cleats and shin guards…and put them on, she needs a water bottle, and the dogs should probably go out.

Ok.  Not quite as easy as pick up the kids and hit the road.  Thankfully Mommy was there to offer these suggestions prior to me leaving the house with a hungry, underdressed baby, and a soccer player without her gear.

To test my stress levels, these instances always seem to stretch to the last second of available time.  So, we’re rushing out the door.  But there’s really no rushing with a five year old and a 3 month old.  Life just moves at a slower pace.

I realized this as we meandered to the car, and I decided to move slower but more deliberately.  Give myself time to make decisive actions, and ultimately move at the pace kids move.  But more importantly, I was focusing on the task at hand…the present moment.  I was moving slower, but I was more efficient with my actions.

We pile in, and Little Dude starts to wail before we’re out of the driveway.  He’s been doing this in his seat lately.  Not a big fan of being locked down.  But we didn’t have time for consoling.

We hit the road, and I reached behind me trying to soothe him.  Yeah, not the safest idea, but a screaming baby requires a bit of risk taking.

As I pull to a three-way stop in the neighborhood, I let the car to my right and the car across from me go before me.  Both slightly beat me to the intersection.  Once they passed, I made my way through the intersection, and some dude decided he was playing the role of Citizen Patrol and yelled “Nice stop!” at me.

I’m still reaching back trying to soothe a screaming baby.  The windows are down, so he should be able to see this.  This seems like a situation where regardless of a minor traffic infraction, you should probably give the driver the benefit of the doubt.

Plus, I did stop!  I let two people go!  Perhaps I was rolling slightly, but it was a stop.

It seems like these types of situations always happen at the most inopportune time.  A perfect opportunity for me to lose it.  But before any words could pass over my lips, my mind jumped back in and reminded me slow down.  Getting upset isn’t going to make this trip any easier.

In a minute or so I was passed it, but Little Dude was not past his screaming.  I pulled over and was able to calmly tuck some blankets around him, and he was asleep in seconds.  If I had been mad, that stop would not have been that easy.

Zen and the Art of Parenting

Zen and the Art of Parenting

Eventually we made it to the parking lot.  As I’m wrestling with the Bjorn, the pacifier bounces out of his blankets and rolls under the car.  At this point I’m relaxing into things, and rather than letting that be the straw that breaks my will, I recruit The Princess, and she crawls under to grab it.

We roll into practice a couple minutes late, but we are all in good spirits, and we didn’t miss much.

Mission accomplished.

Well, except that whole dinner, bath, bed thing.  But the kids were great, and I was practicing my Zen and the Art of Parenting, and we were good to go.  Whatever minor hurdles we encountered along the way we easily surmounted.

And the reward for a job well done, other than the opportunity to practice a little Zen, is a hug and kiss goodnight from a princess and  some Dude/Little Dude bonding time with lots of silly voices, tickles, smiles, and a five second lock of the eyes where it was clear connections were being made.

My boy is starting to realize who his Daddy is.  Glad I was in the Zen frame of mind to enjoy the moment…well, five seconds anyway.

Week 12 – Groovin’

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The Boy is three months old this week.

Time flies.

Week 12 has been pretty much status quo.  We’re getting back into the flow after a short vacation and the hurricane, so just settling back into routines.

Groovin’ right along.

This picture elicits an immediate smile from the Dude.

Little Dude

Little Dude

As does this song.

Daily Pixels: Game Changer

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The Dude is frugal.

No two ways about it.  I don’t like to spend money if I don’t have to.

Mainly because there seems to be a shortage on the cashish for just about everyone these days.  Trying to keep a stash under your mattress seems like a wise idea.

Plus, knock-offs and generics usually provide pretty good opportunities to save a few bucks.

However, there are times when the old adage “you get what you pay for” rings true.  We just received our Baby Bjorn in the mail after three frustrating months with a knock-off, and it’s clear we should have opted for the name brand.

Baby Bjorns are awesome.  I’m not sure why the knock-offs don’t buy a Bjorn and copy it a bit better, but they don’t…at least not the one we had.  Simple, sturdy, durable, comfortable; everything the knock-off isn’t.

A game changer for me and Little Dude.  Comfortably attached to my chest, he can now be much more productive with the Dude around the house.  Thanks Baby Bjorn.

And the icing on the cake, my frugality has rubbed off on Mrs. Dude, and when we decided to bite the bullet and get the Baby Bjorn, she hunted it down on e-bay for half the price.  Sweet justice!

Game Changer

Daily Pixels: He’s Highly Advanced

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Someone rolled over today.

I wasn’t here to witness it, but Mrs. Dude reports that during a morning session of tummy time, Little Dude executed a perfect roll from belly to back.

I conducted a little parental research, i.e. Google, and learned that rolling over usually happens around 3 – 4 months.  Little Dude will be three months tomorrow.

Rolling over one day before three months?!  If he continues at this pace, he’ll graduate college by 12 and fund our retirement by 16!

Do we have  super baby on our hands?

After filing the report with the Dude, Mrs. Dude proceeded to explain that he had a pillow under him, and she “kinda thinks it was an accident” on his part.

I prefer to think he’s highly advanced.

Super Baby

Super Baby

Daily Pixels: Self-soothing

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So close to finding that thumb.

The Dude and the Mrs. were big time thumb suckers as bambinos.  My parents had to duct tape socks to my hands to get me to stop…they also duct taped our couch when I was growing up, apparently duct tape does fix everything.

Seems thumb-sucking is in our blood.

How great will it be when he figures this out?  May the Force be with you Little Dude.

So Close

Week Six – Firsts

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Snoozing

Snoozing

Life is full of firsts.  Firsts continue from day 1 to the end.  I’m sure my Grandfather never realized we’d all be experiencing “Tweets” on regular basis.  Not that he knows what a Tweet is, or email, but you get the point; we all have the potential to experience firsts until our last day.

Like every aspect of an infant’s life, firsts are intensified.  Infants experience firsts at a breakneck pace.  Everything is new to them.  And new parents love to point out the firsts; first giggle, first hang nail, first poop on a Tuesday when it’s raining, etc.

The Dude and the Mrs. fall into the exuberant category when it comes to Little Dude’s firsts.  We often comment to each other about silly firsts, but this week held some significant firsts…from the Dude’s perspective anyway.

  1. First shower with Daddy.  A short but sweet shower to close out the day and put a smile on Little Dude’s face…he digs the water.
  2. First nap on Daddy’s chest.  Up to this point, Little Dude had a hard time getting comfortable and staying still long enough to nap with the Dude, but the bonding is getting stronger and Little Dude’s calm periods are extending…hopefully.
  3. Mower

    Mower

    First time mowing the lawn with Daddy.  I have a rad new (old, but new to me) “reel” mower (think 1950’s-style push mower) that’s lightweight and makes no noise, so Little Dude was able to nap in the front pack while the Dude mowed away.

  4. First trip to the beach.  Saturday offered a relatively cool and overcast day, so we took the opportunity to get Little Dude acclimated to the beach.  His first experience consisted mainly of nursing.  Mrs. Dude wouldn’t let me take him body surfing.
  5. The start of his first Shark Week on Discovery.  The beach and Shark Week are not related in any way.  The Dude likes to think of sharks like unicorns, imaginary…don’t tell the Princess unicorns aren’t real.
  6. First evident quality inherited from the Dude.  Mrs. Dude has some strong genes.  Little Dude is an identical replica of the Mrs. when she was an infant; people have actually mistaken her baby pictures as Little Dude.  It’s been a struggle to find the Dude in The Boy, but not anymore.  Mrs. Dude declared this week that Little Dude has the Dude’s toes!  That’s right, he’s my boy!  Yeah, it’s just toes, and I’m kind of thinking the Mrs. was just being nice, but I’ll take it.

Crankiness Update:

Acid reflux was confirmed this week, and we got an increased dose of medicine.  Mrs. Dude also cut out any food with taste from her diet to be safe.  Thankfully, these adjustments seem to be working…for now.  The acid reflux symptoms have decreased quite a bit.  Notice, I did not say the crankiness has decreased.

In the ever-changing landscape of an infant, another crankiness source arrived on the scene.  Could The Boy be hungry?  He’s eating almost every two hours, but this week, the “I need food now” cry has increased in frequency and intensity.

We decided to do a little experiment.  Mrs. Dude pumped while I fed Little Dude a 4 oz. bottle.  He downed the bottle in about 20 minutes, and passed out for four hours.  Mrs. Dude was only able to pump 2 oz.  This isn’t a definitive answer.  He may get more when he nurses, and it’s only one test, but it does show interesting results.  Could it be that he’s not eating enough?

He’s gaining weight faster than expected, so clearly he’s eating.  Perhaps a growth spurt this week?  We are going to try to work in some additional pumping in an attempt to increase the milk supply and build some more reserves (and by “we” I mean Mrs. Dude…thanks Mommy), and keep an eye out for the hungry symptoms.

We’ll see what excitement week seven brings.

Week Five – Change

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What a smile?!“The only constant is change.”

It’s difficult to find the precise source of this quote, but after extensive research (i.e. five minutes on Wikipedia), I’ve decided to give credit to Heraclitus, a Greek philosopher…mainly because he’s a really old dude (c.535 BC – 475 BC).

This is about as close to “fact” as you can get; as such it is a widely understood and accepted saying…almost common sense.  Hence the difficulty finding the precise source.

I think the idea of change as a constant may be referred to as entropy in physics, but I’m all researched out now, so I’ll let The Professor (aka Little Bill, Papa, Dude’s Padre) correct me in the comments section if need be.

We all work every day to maintain the great aspects of our life and change those aspects that need some improvements…or at least we should be working hard at this every day.  But, in the  end, change will win; we can only prolong the inevitable.  Nature will take its course and change will prevail.

This should not imply that we should commit any less effort to maintaining what we love; that’s arguably the most important thing we can do in life.  But we should be able to accept change as a fact of life…perhaps even use change to our advantage.

For a short life span of five weeks, change is intensified.  20% of the Dude’s life is 6.6 years.  Change across that period is relatively mild.  The Little Dude on the other hand is in hyper drive; 20% of his life was spent last week.  Change across this period is pretty intense…for child and parents.

We ended week four with what appeared to be a mysterious choking episode for Little Dude.  I could have noted this in last week’s Lessons, but I really didn’t know what to make of it so I left it out.

The plot thickened in week five, and with some added information, the “choking” is now seen in a clearer light.

Last Saturday, Little Dude was sleeping in his swing (five feet from us) while the Dude and Mrs. Dude half watched tv and half watched The Boy.  About 45 minutes into his slumber, he woke up with a loud screech and then went silent immediately.  Mrs. Dude noticed that the air flow seemed to stop and jumped up to scoop him out of the swing.  The Dude, being a Dude, was a bit more slow to react, but the level of distress was clear in Mrs. Dude’s face (her Mommy Senses kicked in quickly!), and she was a bit frozen with Little Dude in her hands, so I grabbed him, flipped him over and began to pat his back.  With a whimper, the breathing was back in probably 30 seconds, but it was an intense 30 seconds, and there was no breath and no noise during that time…an eerie silence.

There was no way he choked on anything.  Nothing in his swing with him, he was in there for 45 minutes, and we were watching the entire time.

It shook us a bit.  We contemplated a visit to the Emergency Room, but Little Dude was immediately back to normal and enjoying his swing; so the Dude, being a Dude, convinced the Mrs. to skip the trip.   But in return, I stayed up and watched Little Dude the entire night to make sure everything was status quo.

I enjoyed some late night yoga to stay awake, and Little Dude slept like, well, a baby.  We switched shifts at the 6:30 AM feeding and kept him on watch the rest of the day.  After the 24 hour surveillance, we felt pretty confident Little Dude was ok.  However, we were still pretty confused by the experience.

Mrs. Dude conducted some further research (luckily her research is a bit more extensive than the Dude’s) down a path mentioned by the Pediatrician, and we are now adding a new variable to our “Poop Rules My Life” theory.  It seems to us that poop and heartburn rule Little Dude’s life.

The Mrs. found this link about an infant “choking” due to acid reflux and this list of acid reflux symptoms.  Not only does the article describe the “choking” episode almost word for word, but the additional symptoms are pretty spot on with The Little One.

Unfortunately, the acid reflux seems to be gaining momentum in week five and the past few days have seen an increase in spit up and some crankiness reminiscent of earlier weeks.  We’ve been using some meds the Dr. gave us “just in case,” but they don’t seem strong enough or The Boy has already outgrown the dose prescribed.  So, back to the Dr. tomorrow.

I’m not sure if we’ve figured out how to use this intense period of change to our advantage just yet, but we are doing our best to accept it and move on to the next curve life throws our way.

Luckily, the Dude and the Little Dude have found a calming mechanism they can both agree on; the vacuum.  My guess is a burned out vacuum could be in our future, but if The Little One is happy, that’s a change I’m willing to accept.

Baby's Best Friend

Baby's Best Friend

PS – Here’s one of my favorite songs about change.  The video is on the strange side, but the song is pretty good…plus, the Dude is a sucker for some good harmonica.

Week Four – Poop Rules My Life

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Little Dude Snoozing

Little Dude Snoozing

As the Dude ventures down the path of blogging about family life, including a newborn, it’s inevitable that the subject matter will veer towards poop at some point…possibly often.  Given the first four weeks with Little Dude, my guess is poop could be a highly discussed topic.

Week four seems to be giving us some indication of the crankiness source.  We are not overly confident in this theory, infants are a fickle lot, but all signs point to some sort of development, or lack thereof, with digestion.

Poop is what it is.  A natural fact of life.  But for an infant, and especially Little Dude, it’s pretty much a matter of survival.  Really, everything at the age of four weeks is a matter of survival; it’s hard to be tiny, defenseless, and completely confused by everything around you.  But, for Little Dude, poop seems to be his kryptonite.  Serious discomfort.

The Boy shares hints of the serene quietness conjured in the mind’s eye with the thought of an “infant,” but the quiet periods have been short-lived.  Those tiny hints of calm have been separated by eating, sleeping, and fussiness.  However, the calmness is gaining strength, and Mrs. Dude reported today the Little One was smiling all day.  Smiles are a rare occurrence, never mind a full day event.

His body is beginning to operate more efficiently, and the stretches of calm, sometimes even happy, states are increasing.  The waves of fussiness are almost always ended by some form of gas; burp, fart, poop (he’s such a dude!).  Once he gets it out, the calm spreads through his body.  Uncomfortable digestion seems to be the source, and now that the digestion seems to be running a bit more smoothly, the periods of fussiness are decreasing…in length anyway.

This is a big improvement from week three where colic was able to maintain a strong position on the list of possibilities.  We may not be able to discount the Big C completely, but we are rapidly moving past this theory…or, at least the Dude is using the power of positive thinking.

In parts of the East Coast where I’ve lived, there is a cliché about the weather that seems to apply to infants (probably most aspects of life); if you don’t like the weather, wait an hour.  In other words, if you are faced with a challenge, a thunder storm or a fussy baby, give it some time, things will change.

Just when we get this digestion figured out, I’m sure another challenge will develop, but for now, it’s great to see the Little Dude moving past the largest challenge in his life….and we’ll be ready to tackle the next one.

PS – Since we’re on the subject of bodily functions; I love how changing a boy’s diaper is similar to participating in a cheesy game show.  Every time I’m wrestling with the Little Dude to change his diaper, I feel like I’m on an Asian game show with tacky English humor being dubbed in.

How quickly can you separate the cloth from the clammy skin, apply a goopy white substance, drag his butt in the air, slip a new diaper under, and grapple with the flailing limbs to secure the sticky straps, all before you’re sprayed in the face?  There are a range of theories to prevent this hilarious struggle, but reality tends to trump theory.  Babies are surprisingly strong and pee is difficult to shield.  Changing requires speed and efficiency.

There should be a Dad Olympics.

The Zoo

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The Zoo

The Zoo

Everyone needs a little security in their lives.  Nothing beats Mom’s tightly held hand or warm hug, but security could be as simple as a favorite hat, a lucky t-shirt, a power tie, or a soft, cuddly blanket.

Mrs. Dude is a pretty great Mom, but she explained to the Dude that it’s not possible for her to hold Little Dude’s hand or hug him 24 hours per day.  So, we were faced with the daunting task of determining how to offer security to the Little One when the Mrs. is absent.  I suggested a piece of my wetsuit since that keeps me warm and cozy in the water, but Mrs. Dude pulled rank and said the Mom would make this decision.

Ok.  One less decision for the Dude process; works for me.

I watched silently as a tiny silky blanket with a dog’s head that was three times too large was paraded around the house as the worthy contender.  I knew it wouldn’t last, but the Dude had taken a vow of silence on the subject.  “Oh yeah, Mrs. Dude, great blanket.  The Boy will love his giant headed dog.”

The vow would have probably been broken considering how goofy this dog was, but the Dude had confidence in the Mrs….and the Dude’s sister had already paved the way for this decision.  The lady with four kids under the age of 6 probably has the whole security blanket thing figured out.  The Dude knew that it was only a matter of time before Mrs. Dude was exposed to the greatest security blanket known to man.

After a visit with the Dude’s extended fam, the Mrs. declared that she was going to get one of the same security blankets the cousins have.  This was a big step, but it opened the door to an even harder decision; what blanket to choose.  The blankets come in a variety of animal shapes, basically stuffed animal heads on the top of a blanket.

The cousins each have a different animal, but with a twist.  The twist being that one blanket really won’t last, so multiple blankets were purchased as back-ups.  This is great in theory, but really this just leads to the kids needing multiple blankets of the same type; one just won’t do if I can have two.  As a result, Mom and Dad are forced to corral multiple, identical blankets for each child.  This is pretty much a full-time job; they had to hire a nanny to watch after the blankets!…not really, but they should!

We were committed to the type of blanket, but Mrs. Dude couldn’t make an animal choice, so it was decided that we would get three to help us determine our favorite; the owl, dinosaur, and lion would be included in the selection process.

For two months leading up to Little Dude’s arrival, the Dude and the Mrs. slept with the blankets under the guise of adding our scent to the fabric, but really we were snuggling with each trying to choose our animal.    The lion pulled out to an early lead, but the Mrs. couldn’t keep herself off the website and three grew to five; the cow and raccoon joined the pack, adding to the indecisiveness.

No clear winner has yet to be established.  However, now I’m concerned that if/when a winner is chosen, we will then have to wade through multiple impostors to reach the true source of security during times of crisis.  It’s inevitable that when security is needed, the true champion will be unnoticeably wedged between the couch cushions while the rest of the animal tribe is frolicking in the open, and the Dude will undoubtedly try each and every impostor before embarking on the hunt for the chosen one, all the while Little Dude wailing away.  It’s a grim scene, but totally predictable.

Perhaps that’s better than hunting for multiples of the same blanket, as the Dude’s sister must do, but probably not.

Then again, the kid usually determines the winner, and most times the choice is completely unexpected.  The Dude latched onto  a pillowcase, and the Princess fell in love with a blanket that was purchased as a gift for another baby.

My guess is the Little Dude catches us off guard with his security blanket choice…I’m still holding out for the wetsuit. For now, we’re enjoying the zoo and trying to give each animal equal face time with the “Decider” (as George W. would say).

Choose wisely Little Dude, the fate of the zoo is in your hands.