The Most Important Journey: Dude to Dad

Little Dude - Before THE Haircut

Little Dude – Before THE Haircut

Seriously? Almost a month without a post. Geesh. Get with it, Dude!

All I can say is: 3 kids. Enough.

So, I missed a Father’s Day post. That’s a home run post for the Dude!

Dang kids! (shaking my fist like an ole’ timer!)

But the good news I’ve stockpiled a few thoughts, links, etc.

A bit belated, but happy Dad’s Day dudes. Now, consider how important you are. For real.

I mentioned this super rad Dude’s online magazine, Bearings,  in my New Year’s post. If you haven’t subscribed, chop, chop. Hop to it. It won’t disappoint…”A Southern Lifestyle Guide for Men,” enough said.

The brilliance that is Bearings shared some nice Papa’s Day thoughts, and here’s a few of my favs…

  • Dads teach us lessons about fatherhood through their successes and their failures.
    • They teach us to show up when it’s easier to run. 
    • They teach us to persevere when it’s easier to quit. 
    • They teach us to get back up when we fall down. 
    • They teach us to spend time with those who matter most, because life is short and tomorrow is not guaranteed. 
    • Most of all, they teach us that legends aren’t always made in the public eye – they are made in the eyes of sons whose eyes are on their fathers. 

In addition to those awesome words of wisdom, the Bearings dudes also shared a sweet documentary that I was unaware of – The Other F Word. Punk rocker dudes that are now dads! Sweetness.

I feel like I grew up with these dudes, and to see them fumble through fatherhood is awesome. A whole new respect.

 [youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zZkWHZ3hJtY[/youtube] 

I also hung on to a post from Zen Habits that boils that whole Dad thing down to one simple lesson…

Appreciate your child’s love for you.

Whoa. That stops you for a minute. So easy. So profound. But so hard.

Do we even realize how much those little people love us? How much they watch our every move? Listen to our every word…even when they back-talk and seem to be ignoring?

Our kids are learning from us every second of every day. We may not realize it. They may not realize it. But those little sponges are sucking up each and every action we take…good and bad.

Understand how much you’re loved. And love them back. It’s that simple.

How about some stats to back up the importance of us dudes? Right on.

Click through for a variety of dad stats, but here’s one that sums it up well…

Children whose fathers are highly involved with them in a positive way do better in school, demonstrate better psychological well-being and lower levels of delinquency, and ultimately attain higher levels of education and economic self-sufficiency. One of the most important factors in girls’ academic achievement is their father’s belief in them.

Sorry it’s a bit late, but I hope it’s as clear to you as it is to me that the most important – and rewarding – journey we’ll take is from Dude to Dad.

The best part is, we’re Dads; the expectations are already set low. If we remember to shower and a put on a shirt without stains, we’re already ahead of the game.

All we need to do is show up and have a good time. Smile. Laugh. Have fun. And love those kids. It’s as simple as that. 

PS – Just to keep it real, dads you’re market value is $23, 344. While moms are worth $59,862. Dang!

Dude’s Handcrafted Tree House – A Fortress of the Mind

Yesterday, we visited Nina & Rex – aka Mrs. Dude’s parental units. After adding the finishing touches, Rex surprised the kiddos by rolling this beauty out to the water…

As we admired Rex’s fine craftsmanship, Granny reminisced about when Pop – aka Mrs. Dude’s Grandfather – built the original Summer Slide…the inspiration for Rex’s new slide.

Granny recalled how proud Pop was of the plastic and wooden structure. And how he HAD to roll it out to the water as soon as it was complete. Even though it was dark. How Pop would stand back and admire the slide. As if it was the finest piece of craftsmanship he ever laid eyes on.

We admired Rex’s slide in a similar fashion.

There’s something great about building things with your hands. And then admiring what you’ve done.

I was happy to hear I’m part of a lineage of men (stretching back to the dawn of time?) who take the time to admire a job well done.

Because I’ve been admiring this beauty for a couple weeks now…

While Mrs. Dude was flying across the country to photograph Top Gun pilots, I was recruiting my 65 year old dad to lift heavy lumber. And surprise the fam with a tree house.

We crafted the platform in a few hours, and over the last couple weeks I’ve added the extras.

  • Rope ladder
  • Slide – slide’s are expensive, get the Home Depot or Lowe’s version
  • Firemen’s pole – 10 foot electrical conduit from Lowe’s…sweet!
  • Cargo net – Military surplus cargo net for trucks…way cheaper than rope versions and has tie-downs that can go around the tree.

It is pretty much as I envisioned it. Which is to say that like Pop’s slide, this could be the most impressive structure I’ve ever laid eyes on.

Long live handcrafted awesomeness. Even if the mental version is slightly more grandiose than the real thing.

Zen and the Art of Parenting

Zen and the Art of Parenting

Zen and the Art of Parenting

Zen and the Art of Parenting

It’s 2010.  We have women’s suffrage.  Women have broken through the “glass ceiling” in corporations worldwide.  I read the other day that for the first time, more women are now graduating with PhD’s than men!

Women have made huge strides in equality, but from where I sit, Mom’s still keep the house together.  I think it’s an instinctual ability.

When Dad  steps in on a solo mission, there’s always a chance for a little craziness.  The mission will be accomplished, but it’s never quite as smooth as when Mom handles it.

Tuesday offered a good test.  The Princess had her first dance class, followed by soccer practice numero dos, and Mrs. Dude had her first photography class.  It was a busy day.  Tuesdays will be busy for a few weeks.  If you do the math, this leaves the Dude managing all parental tasks including to and from soccer, dinner, bath, bed…sans Mrs. Dude.

Solo parenting is tough.  There are a lot of challenges managing multiple little lives.

Parenting definitely creates an environment conducive to increased levels of stress.  Opportunities to worry.  Reasons for frustration.

But, it also gives us a catalyst to focus on the moment we’re living in.   Worrying and/or getting  frustrated with kids makes the situation that much more difficult to handle.  Kids sense emotions and energy, and when the energy is off, kids tend to shut down.

It’s an interesting task running a solo mission and trying to balance peace and tranquility with the hurdles along the way.

Ever heard of the book Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance?  It grabs my attention every time I see it at a bookstore.  I’ve never read it.  I don’t have a motorcycle.

But, based on assumptions I’m making solely from the title, I think parenting offers similar opportunities to motorcycle maintenance.  Parenting is stressful, but we have a choice between letting stress get to us or going with the flow.

I’m no Zen scholar, but my loose understanding could be summed up with the phrase “going with the flow.”

So, Zen and the Art of Parenting.

I approached this solo mission as most dads would, blindly.  I didn’t give it much thought.  See, dads tend to stumble our way through things.  Like that whole not asking for directions stereotype…it’s a stereotype for a reason.

I planned to leave work a little early, pick up the kids, and hit the road.  Shouldn’t be more to it than that.

Except, he’s hungry and his milk supply is leaving to learn how to snap pictures, so it’s bottle time, it’s getting chilly so he needs to change, might as well change the diaper, make sure the diaper bag has all of the necessities, Princess needs to get dressed, she needs to find her cleats and shin guards…and put them on, she needs a water bottle, and the dogs should probably go out.

Ok.  Not quite as easy as pick up the kids and hit the road.  Thankfully Mommy was there to offer these suggestions prior to me leaving the house with a hungry, underdressed baby, and a soccer player without her gear.

To test my stress levels, these instances always seem to stretch to the last second of available time.  So, we’re rushing out the door.  But there’s really no rushing with a five year old and a 3 month old.  Life just moves at a slower pace.

I realized this as we meandered to the car, and I decided to move slower but more deliberately.  Give myself time to make decisive actions, and ultimately move at the pace kids move.  But more importantly, I was focusing on the task at hand…the present moment.  I was moving slower, but I was more efficient with my actions.

We pile in, and Little Dude starts to wail before we’re out of the driveway.  He’s been doing this in his seat lately.  Not a big fan of being locked down.  But we didn’t have time for consoling.

We hit the road, and I reached behind me trying to soothe him.  Yeah, not the safest idea, but a screaming baby requires a bit of risk taking.

As I pull to a three-way stop in the neighborhood, I let the car to my right and the car across from me go before me.  Both slightly beat me to the intersection.  Once they passed, I made my way through the intersection, and some dude decided he was playing the role of Citizen Patrol and yelled “Nice stop!” at me.

I’m still reaching back trying to soothe a screaming baby.  The windows are down, so he should be able to see this.  This seems like a situation where regardless of a minor traffic infraction, you should probably give the driver the benefit of the doubt.

Plus, I did stop!  I let two people go!  Perhaps I was rolling slightly, but it was a stop.

It seems like these types of situations always happen at the most inopportune time.  A perfect opportunity for me to lose it.  But before any words could pass over my lips, my mind jumped back in and reminded me slow down.  Getting upset isn’t going to make this trip any easier.

In a minute or so I was passed it, but Little Dude was not past his screaming.  I pulled over and was able to calmly tuck some blankets around him, and he was asleep in seconds.  If I had been mad, that stop would not have been that easy.

Zen and the Art of Parenting

Zen and the Art of Parenting

Eventually we made it to the parking lot.  As I’m wrestling with the Bjorn, the pacifier bounces out of his blankets and rolls under the car.  At this point I’m relaxing into things, and rather than letting that be the straw that breaks my will, I recruit The Princess, and she crawls under to grab it.

We roll into practice a couple minutes late, but we are all in good spirits, and we didn’t miss much.

Mission accomplished.

Well, except that whole dinner, bath, bed thing.  But the kids were great, and I was practicing my Zen and the Art of Parenting, and we were good to go.  Whatever minor hurdles we encountered along the way we easily surmounted.

And the reward for a job well done, other than the opportunity to practice a little Zen, is a hug and kiss goodnight from a princess and  some Dude/Little Dude bonding time with lots of silly voices, tickles, smiles, and a five second lock of the eyes where it was clear connections were being made.

My boy is starting to realize who his Daddy is.  Glad I was in the Zen frame of mind to enjoy the moment…well, five seconds anyway.

Dad’s Are Cool!

Is this a new trend?  Are Dad’s cool right now?

I was sent the below videos today by separate, unrelated sources.  Both are great parodies of a Dad’s life, and judging by the number of views they’ve had on YouTube, they seem pretty popular…even Toyota has jumped on the Dad bandwagon.

Dad’s are funny creatures.  It’s a big shift from single dude to dad, but great dad’s are successfully making the transition every day, and it’s pretty funny to watch…and experience.

Seems the Dude is in the right profession.  I suspect the high dollar sponsorships will follow soon.