The Changing Tides of Special Needs Parenting & the Cycle of Grief: We’re Lucky. But Sometimes It Doesn’t Feel That Way. [Featured on the Mighty]

Related imageFull post featured on The Mighty. 

The morning surf-check is one of life’s delicacies. A day of clean waves is nothing short of a gift from God.

Unfortunately, the clean lines that surfers crave do not always march to shore. When the variables – wind, swell, tides, etc. – are not aligned those clean lines become a mass of confusion, some days/hours/minutes more threatening than others.

Those messy, threatening days do not dilute the fortune of living by the sea. The stormy moments offer a richness that would be lost if every day was nothing but clean lines.

Similar to the rogue wave or sudden storm, life’s engineering does not always match the forecast.

The Mrs. and I have shared the beginning of our special needs parenting journey:

As this special needs journey continues, the richness matches the beauty of the sea – unfolding in calm breezes, clean waves, and favorable tides. And unexpected storms.

Unfortunately, as any surf forecaster will tell you, ignoring the storm does not change the foreboding path. Storms will arrive. And patterns will repeat.

There is a cycle of grief. And this cycle repeats. Despite my best intentions to change the unchangeable, I recognize this cycle because we experience the raw emotions – on repeat.

  1. Denial
  2. Anger
  3. Bargaining
  4. Depression
  5. Acceptance

We work through this grief cycle individually and as a family. We manage this cycle as best we can, and I’d like to believe we are improving with each repetition.

We yearn towards the clean lines of acceptance, and we revel in the warm sun and cool breeze of our strong, loving family. The majority of our time is spent enjoying the amazing waves of love and happiness that ALL special needs parents know.

But we need to mindful of the forecast. We don’t know when the storms will blow through, and we don’t know how hard we will need to bear down to remain grounded, but be prepared.

It’s amazing what a well-timed hug or good cry can do.

We’re lucky to live by the sea, but we’re even luckier to be special a special needs family.

The Dude Family Tackles “Secrets of Happy Families”

A little known Dude fact: I once attended law school.

Yep, a full year of law school – they say the first is the hardest.

Then I left.

Flunked? Au contraire mon fraire.

Killed it. Dean’s list. Law Review.

But the life of a big city attorney paying off six digit school loans was not very appealing.

Definitely the right decision.

Although I walked, I did retain some benefits. I still dig the law. I have a much better understanding of legal matters. And I can consume a book while highlighting, underlining, and taking notes in the margins.

A skill and a curse. But my legal reading skills came in handy as I soaked up Bruce Feiler’s The Secrets of Happy Families.

I love the idea of “hacking” the family. Finding tips, tricks and secrets to create a happy, fun, organized, always-learning family.

Efficiency? Simplicity? Count me in. 

Here’s a great TED talk from Bruce about the Agile Family. Pretty awesome.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J6oMG7u9HGE[/youtube]

I just finished Secrets, and I’m ready send the Dude Family through a test run making the most of the “low hanging fruit.”

Awesome, right?

Mr. Feiler, you are officially on notice. The Dudes are putting your Secrets to the test.

There are 13 chapters. All with good thoughts.

Love the closing lesson: What’s the secret to being a happy family? Try.

But 13 chapters is a lot. And each family is unique. Every secret will not work for every family.

Be creative. Be flexible. And see what works.

We’re choosing a few of our favs and making a run at it.

I definitely recommend the book. However, the proof is in the living. I’ll let ya know how the living goes.

Dude Family Secrets

  1. Family Meeting (Easy to implement, start right away)
    1. Wednesday evening 
    2. Under 20 minutes 
    3. Q’s  
      1. What worked well in our family this week? 
      2. What went wrong in our family this week? 
      3. What will we work on this coming week? 
  2. Self-directed checklists (Easy to implement, start right away)
    1. Morning routine, chores, etc.
    2. Put checklists on whiteboard on the fridge for kids to read and check off 
      1. Add weekly “goals” to whiteboard 
      2. Choosing own punishments and rewards
  3. Family meals (Easy, already doing…continue to have meals together)
  4. Family rituals important (Mid-term, start working on rituals with Mrs. Dude)
    1. Rituals have to be created. We can’t sit back and hope they’ll just happen. We have to go out and make them happen.
    2. Fun, hokey, memorable.
    3. Seasons, holidays, vacation/bonding?
  5. Branding our Family (Mid-term, start working on branding with Mrs. Dude) 
    1. Belief Board – p. 52 
    2. Family mission statement – p. 56 
    3. Puts onto one piece of paper all the words that matter to us – ex. p. 60 
    4. Check Bruce’s “toolkit”
    5. Keep it short?
    6. Make drafting it a special occasion.
    7. Post in a prominent place
    8. 80 example values – p. 65
    9. Value Q’s – p. 67
      1. What words best describe our family?
      2. What is most important to our family?
      3. What are our strengths as a family?
      4. What sayings best capture our family?
  6. The Buck Starts Here
    1. www.FamZoo.com
    2. $ penalties?
    3. Allowance = $1 per week, per year of age?
    4. Chores separate from allowance?
    5. Loans from parents?
      1. Write essays for major purchases?
    6. About understanding constraints
      1. Constraints force creativity
    7. Pay for passions
      1. Accept passions 
      2. Great people are great because they find their passion. 
      3. The goal is not equality; the goal is fairness. 
      4. Focus on what they really need, not how much you’re spending. 
    8. Put them to work 
    9. Part-time jobs are great for kids

Dude’s News: What’s Up 2012?!

Little Dude - Not a Fan of Santa

Little Dude - Not a Fan of Santa

Happy New Year! So, here we are, 2012. Lots o’ hoopla these days; world’s gonna end, the Mayans said so, yadda, yadda, yadda.

After 15 whole days, I’d have to say, that it seems like more of the same. Which, isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Sure, there’s a wide array of world characteristics that could/should be improved, but overall, life is pretty groovy. Sure as shit could be a lot worse.

So, rather than looking at the “is the world gonna end perspective,” the Dude is going to spend 2012 focused on why life is rockin’…and doin’ my best to keep it that way.

I always say that I don’t do “resolutions,” but was that a resolution?

Nah, just a glass half full perspective that I try to maintain. So, keep your resolutions. 🙂

It’s been about a month since the last edition of Dude’s News, so hold onto your hats, we have catching up to do. Actually, it’s A LOT for one post, but it’s all sooo cool.

I really need to post more often. Another resolution?!…damn you resolutions!

Local News
6 children + 7 adults + three cars + 12 hours = ridonculous travel arrangements. Holy moly!

It was an awesome trip, but wow, what a blur. There is no good way to travel, but even more so with that many people/children over hundreds of miles. Just a matter of grinning and baring it.

It’s been too long since we’ve been able to spend Christmas with the Dude’s extended family. It was fantastic to be with my Grandfather and join in all the reindeer  games; Santa and Mrs. Claus, 30+ people, singing around the tree, living room stuffed with loved ones and gifts, a Yankee swap, lots of tasty food, football (extra bonus considering the Dude’s are still t.v.’less.), an overall fabulous time.

The downfall of taking so long to update DKB is that I lose the grasp on small details and clever story lines, but overall, there were no major fireworks. Traveling is never fun, but everyone was well behaved, and we all had a great time.

However, since I’m definitely underselling the chaos, here’s a quick video of some of the festivities with the kiddos.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Qd0GSwNC6A[/youtube]

While we’re on the subject of local news, check out this 14 month old baby using sign language with her mom. Both deaf, they carry on quite an extensive conversation.

Little Dude is putting some words together, but it’s clear that he has so much more he wants/needs to say…hence the screaming when he can’t convey his message. This video helps me understand how much must actually be going on in that fabulous little head of his. (Thanks Kid Should See This.)

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3o8Z2lzS764&context=C364dcd7ADOEgsToPDskKerngtSGaJDmFa63e-RujQ[/youtube]

Happy New Year
Check out Woody Guthrie’s list of New Year resolutions from 1942. Woody was 30 years young when he wrote this. The sweet spot; young enough to maintain his ideals but wise enough to be dangerous.

Woody Guthrie New Year Resolutions

Woody Guthrie New Year Resolutions

1. Work more and better
2. Work by a schedule
3. Wash teeth if any
4. Shave
5. Take bath
6. Eat good — fruit — vegetables — milk
7. Drink very scant if any
8. Write a song a day
9. Wear clean clothes — look good
10. Shine shoes
11. Change socks
12. Change bed cloths often
13. Read lots good books
14. Listen to radio a lot
15. Learn people better
16. Keep rancho clean
17. Dont get lonesome
18. Stay glad
19. Keep hoping machine running
20. Dream good
21. Bank all extra money
22. Save dough
23. Have company but dont waste time
24. Send Mary and kids money
25. Play and sing good
26. Dance better
27. Help win war — beat fascism
28. Love mama
29. Love papa
30. Love Pete
31. Love everybody
32. Make up your mind
33. Wake up and fight

This ditty from Woody is perfect for the kiddos…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DUDtFdnn9oQ[/youtube]

Let’s stick with the New Year subject to share a quick list: 12 Simple Steps for Going Green in 2012

It’s a decent list. I’m not sure I agree with all of them, but the Dude Family is happy to say we are trying to practice most.

1.  Recycle
2. Turn off the lights
3. Make the light bulb switch
4. Turn on the tap water
5. Turn down the heat
6. Support food recovery programs
7. Buy local
8. Get out and ride a bike
9. Share a car
10. Plant a garden
11. Compost
12. Reduce your meat consumption

Technology
A camera that is fast enough to capture light moving. Go get ’em MIT. It’s sort of a complex explanation, but pretty cool. (Thanks Kottke.)

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EtsXgODHMWk&feature=plcp&context=C32a9c62UDOEgsToPDskLORj8HPPm_p9RnBgiIPFDX[/youtube]

Space

  • Announced this week. The most advanced map of the “dark matter” that makes up 3/4th’s (that’s almost all!) of our Universe. Another great reminder of how small we are.
  • Here are 24 beautiful reminders of the teeny tiny size. Top 24 Deep Space Pictures of 2011.
  • In the last edition of Dude’s News, I mentioned the discovery of the largest black holes to date. Now we have some black hole news closer to home. The black hole at the center of the Milkyway Galaxy – our galaxy – (which is 27,000 light years from Earth!) is going to eat a giant dust cloud over the next decade. This is the first time scientists will have a front row seat of a black hole feeding…feeding! (at least that’s what we think).

Kids Shows

  • Since we’re still talking about the holidays, here’s a quick reminder about the joy of giving from the Dude and Little Dude’s fav show; Yo Gabba Gabba. (Thanks The Kid Should See This.)[vimeo]http://vimeo.com/33952163[/vimeo]
  • We’ve also been digging some Sesame Street lately, and Little Dude has become a die hard fan of Elmo – What does that little red dude have over kids? However, I’ve yet to see the “Hold On, Elmo’s Texting” Elmo. (Thanks Questionable Skills.)
Elmo - Hold on, Elmo's Texting

Elmo - Hold on, Elmo's Texting

Middle Childhood Rocks
Who even knew there was a “middle childhood,” but after reading this New York Times article, I have to say, MCH (I made that up) rocks.

“It is a time of great cognitive creativity and ambition, when the brain has pretty much reached its adult size and can focus on threading together its private intranet service—on forging, organizing, amplifying and annotating the tens of billions of synaptic connections that allow brain cells and brain domains to communicate,” states the NYT. Or as one anthropologist puts it, “Kids can do something now.” 

It’s so true. The Princess is 6 1/2, and this stage of development is fun to watch. She’s not a little kid anymore. The dots of life are being connected, and she’s becoming more confident and adventurous.

MCH…very cool.

Nature
As I’ve professed many times, the Dude loves the ocean. Here’s an awesome cover story in Outside magazine about a marine biologist that is training himself in neuroscience in an effort to demonstrate that the ocean physically makes us happier people.

Could there be a more worthwhile mission?

I’m sure this principle applies to all of nature…although the ocean does seem to have very unique effects.

Intense
This is the tearjerker section. Grab a couple tissues and sit down for two awesome videos.

Both of these videos tell their own story, so I won’t set them up, but I can say I felt better – in some way – after watching both of them.

Life is intense. But, intensity = growth.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vw5HLT-TyRs[/youtube]

 [youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BACnPBdsH20&feature=related[/youtube]

History
Over the past two editions of Dude’s News I’ve mentioned some interesting new findings in history, and here’s another one.

How is that we are so off in our history? I guess we are way off in a lot of things – health, economics, education. This is a crazy society.

So, this history lesson is that there is now evidence that Neanderthals 44,000 years ago were constructing buildings out of mammoth bones that were at least 26 feet across.

Our history education of 44,000 years ago is soooo not that. Perhaps they weren’t mere “cavemen.”

The collective “we” should stop passing on poor guesses as facts – across all aspects of society. And the collective “we” should all be more pissed about the fact that this is happening – again, across all aspects of society.

Art
Check out this awesome artist from England, Rob Ryan. His paper cutting skills are sick.

The Dude strongly dislikes a mess. And the Princess loves to cut up some paper. As you can imagine, this creates some paper cutting vs. clean floors tension. But after watching this awesomeness, I’m reconsidering how important paper cutting skills are. Princess, cut on.

[vimeo]http://vimeo.com/30265328[/vimeo]

Do you remember Bob Ross? No?! The dude from the 70’s with the huge afro that painted amazing landscapes – including lots of “happy trees” –  in about 15 minutes on PBS. The Dude killed many afternoons after school mesmerized by Bob. He must have painted so many pictures for his show, but I looked on ebay to buy one, and they are hundreds of dollars…if you can even find them. I guess I wasn’t the only one who dug his magical artistic talents. Here’s a peek at Bob doing his thing…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hRa5VhrbSLY&list=UUuXEB99IdPg_vSZKoVhNRVw&index=7&feature=plcp[/youtube]

Now check out this street artist. He might just be better than Bob…and that kills me to say. 🙂

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pGJCBGhyO7o&list=UUwAbrDxPOvgOCIgZ6jvaLKQ&index=3&feature=plcp[/youtube]

Extreme
In past posts/Dude’s News, I’ve shared some pretty rad videos of…I guess you’d call them sports…maybe extreme sports. I’m not really sure. The world is pretty cool today with all of the cross-over from one genre to the next…music, art, fashion, sports, etc. It’s hard to keep track of the stew that makes people who they are these days.

I’ve shared some street skiing and mountain biking that is not on a mountain, and now I’d like to introduce you to Scott Stevens, a snowboarder that seems to draw on a lot of skateboarding…and also is not on a mountain. Creativity is awesome! And he hails from the Dude’s home state…stand up MA! Enjoy. (Thanks Kottke)

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-MQMUIUkw0I&feature=plcp&context=C387c529UDOEgsToPDskKMqA2T82VqkMrRmwnC8DNR[/youtube]

Surf Break
Check out this amazing photo – Surfer Magazines’ photo of the year. I’ll admit, the Dude is a sucker for anything surf, but come on, does it get any better than this? A perfect wave at the end of a perfect rainbow…my kind of pot o’ gold.

Surfer - Photo of the Year

Surfer - Photo of the Year

2012 & Beyond
Here’s to an amazing 2012. Let curiosity be our guide.

From Skillshare, a fab group of peeps who are out to revolutionize the paradigms of learning, comes this beautiful manifesto for the transformative power of curiosity. (Thanks Brain Pickings.)

[vimeo]http://vimeo.com/34853044[/vimeo]

Hap, Happ, Happiest Christmas


Hap, Happ, Happiest

Hap, Happ, Happiest

Seems like most aspects of life move in some sort of cyclical pattern.  For example, we arrive in diapers, and most of us will exit in diapers.

Christmas is no exception.  As a kid, Christmas is a pretty special time.  I’m sure a lot of that has to do with getting “things” we want,  but for the most part, the excitement is just the joy of the experience.  Weeks on end of Christmas specials, holiday cookies, talk of Santa, time off from school, plans to be with family.  It’s a time when the world seems to slow, and kids are at the center of the excitement.

At some point, life grinds you down, and eventually some of the Christmas magic wears off.  Bachelor Dude often questioned the jolly holiday.  A large dose of religious dogma mixed with an extreme helping of consumerism seems like a dangerous recipe.  But kids make those questions seem irrelevant.

Nothing warms the heart of a parent like seeing their children filled with happiness, and Christmas makes that joy burst out of their little bodies.  Parenting is the bridge that brings that Christmas joy back to adults…at least for the Dude it is.

I have to hand it to the Moms of the world though.  I’m going to go out on a limb and stereotype a bit here.  I’m sure there are a lot of Dads who can fill this roll as well, but from the Dude’s experience, Moms hold Christmas together…and they love every second of it.

Mrs. Dude has been planning and budgeting for months, and it still takes a last minute sprint to finish all of the odds and ends.  Odds and ends, mind you, that no Dads the Dude knows could understand and/or execute.

The shopping alone would knock 90% of the Dads out, but then there’s wrapping…oh the wrapping!  It never ends.  But Moms are totally awesome wrappers…as if it’s in their gene’s…the wrapping gene.  Bows, and ribbons, and wrapping paper that fits the person.  Dudes buy one roll, try to wrap the first gift, give up half way through and put all the presents in bags with tissue paper piled on top…done.

But for Moms, it goes way beyond just shopping and wrapping…especially when it comes to the big fat guy in the red suit.  Based on the stories the Lady in the shoe is sharing about my oldest nephew, we are realizing this could be the last year that the Princess whole-heartedly, unquestionably, without a doubt believes in Santa.  The news spreads quickly with those kids at school, and kids aren’t dumb.

Creepy Elf

Creepy Elf

So Mrs. Dude went all out.  We wrote a letter to Santa, The Princess saw Santa at least three times, we got an email video from Santa, we tracked Santa as he flew, we even allowed the creepy Elf on a Shelf to stare creepily at us from random spots in the living room for the last three weeks (I don’t care what anyone says, that Elf is super creepy.).

Jingle Bells

Jingle Bells

But the icing on the cake was the Santa display Mrs. Dude crafted on Christmas Eve.  Stockings hung by the chimney with care, a plate of cookies and carrots that the Dude had to eat, and the coup de grace, the fireplace door cracked slightly with a “jingle bell” strategically placed as if Santa dropped it during a quick exit, and glitter on the hearth!  Did you know Santa left a trail of glitter?!  Me neither.  But he does, and it’s awesome.

Santa's Trail O' Glitter

Santa's Trail O' Glitter

And The Princess ate up every bit of it.  She was so happy, and the happiness is so genuine that she makes everyone around her happy.  That’s the power of kids at Christmas, and I’ll trade that happiness for the pragmatic questions any day.

As a result, and despite brief occurrences of the Dude’s bah-humbugness, we had a great Christmas.  We had quality time with our extended family (arguably the true meaning of Christmas), ate great food, relaxed, played with new toys, the Dude was able to get a Christmas Day surf session, and to close out the holiday season, we enjoyed one of the best Christmas traditions of all, an annual viewing of Christmas Vacation.

In the immortal words of Clark W. Griswold, from the Dude Family to your’s, we hope you had “the hap, happ, happiest Christmas…”

PS – I’m sure you will all be excited to know that Santa added a cheetah to Little Dude’s zoo!

Welcome to the Zoo

Welcome to the Zoo

We Went to Thanksgiving and…

Family and holidays go together like turkey and naps.  (Side note, the Thanksgiving Day Nap is arguably the king of all naps.)

However, as life progresses, family dynamics progress as well.

Growing up, big holidays were spent at the Dude’s grandparents.  Birthdays, Easter, and Thanksgiving would shift from time to time, but Christmas Eve was a given.  Twenty five years straight, the Dude sat in the “No-no Room” singing Christmas carols, shaking Santa’s hand, and enjoying the company of the extended family.

Then life happened.

Changes in location, changes in career paths, and ultimately, changes in family life brought the Christmas streak to an end a few years ago.  Now it’s a struggle to make one holiday with the extended family, never mind a prolonged streak.

Mix in the complexity of alternating holidays between Dude and Mrs. Dude’s families, plus factoring in siblings and their in-laws, and determining a satisfactory holiday schedule is nothing short of a miracle.

As families grow and life marches on, priorities adjust.  The family focus that helped create my identity is shifting.  I have great holiday memories of family dropping their everyday concerns and coming together to strengthen bonds that have developed over generations.  Mrs. Dude and I now have the opportunity to create these memories for our kids.  But roles are chaning.  My parents are now the Grandparents that can’t say “no.”  My sister and brother-in-law are now the fun aunt and uncle.  And so on.

And while priorities change, the definition of family remains constant.  The bond that families share, and strengthen by coming together to celebrate life and the company of loved ones, is not sacrificed.  It’s fortified.  A new generation is added to the familial chain.  The bonds passed through the ancestry are extended once again.

While we can’t always share the holidays with each and every member of our family, the love persists.  The pride and comfort of knowing who we are and where we came from carry on, and more importantly, are shared with new faces.

Happy holidays from the Dude Family to our family and friends.  You may not be in our direct line of vision, but you’ll always remain in our hearts. We are very thankful to have you in our lives.

So, with that prelude complete…

We hit the road last Wednesday in search of some turkey.  We’re alternating Thanksgiving and Christmas between Dude and Mrs. Dude’s families, and this year was a Dude Turkey Day.  We went to stay with The Lady in the Shoe (as in “the lady in the shoe had so many kids she didn’t know what to do”), aka the Dude’s sister, and we had a blast.  Lots of great food, wine, football, jokes, and time spent with the ones we love.

We went to Thanksgiving and…

I learned a few things:

  1. My mother will sleep on a pull out couch in the middle of the house knowing there are two infants getting up throughout the night and four other kids up by 7:00 AM, and then she’ll change every diaper, run every bath, change every outfit, read every book, draw every picture, put the babies down for naps, with zero naps for herself, and bring four pies to Thanksgiving dinner…all to spend every waking moment with her grandkids.  In all fairness, Papa Dude does most of this as well, but that Grandma motivation is hard to duplicate.  I guess I’ve always known this, but it’s still impressive to witness.
  2. Despite that fact that The Lady in the Shoe has four kids under 6 pooping in one house and a mountain of diaper experience, she made the bold statement that Little Dude’s poop is the stinkiest she has ever smelled!  Can you believe that?  Could this be?Given the wretched smell of the formula we use for his reflux, and the nasty stench of the spit up, I suppose I can believe it.  But I wasn’t expecting this.  I just assumed that horrible odor was  natural for babies on formula.  I guess I’m pleased to know it’s not normal to smell that bad, but the downside is that we now have the stinky kid.
  3. Lastly, I learned that my Dad is crazy enough to sincerely ask the clerk at The Dollar Tree how much items cost!  And, according to everyone at the festivities, I’m just like my Dad.  Mrs. Dude, get ready for some absurd quirkiness as we grow old together.

But most importantly, we went to Thanksgiving and…

A rave/dance-fight broke out!

This video pretty much sums up the chaos that 6 kids under 6 can create when bottled up in one house.

Eat the Crust First

Are we a cut-the-crust-off-your-bread type of family?

I’m sure there is great reasoning on both sides of this discussion, but regardless of the decision, this seems like a choice that helps define a family.

Life lessons from bread crust?

I want to make sure my kids have what they need, but I don’t want to be cutting their crust throughout life.  Working through a tough crust – nice metaphor for life experiences – can help build character.

I was going to try to make the, crust has more nutrients argument, but the magic of Yahoo Answers demonstrated that this is most likely a myth.  So, I think I’ll fall back on the true crux of the issue.

From the Dude’s perspective, cutting the crust off a sandwich adds an extra step for busy parents, and throws the child/parent balance off.

There’s nothing wrong with the crust.  A little tough?  Sure.  But it’s part of the bread.  Why would we cut it off?

It seems frivolous, and to meet frivolous desires encourages more frivolous desires.  Ok, that sounds a bit extreme.

But the premise seems to fit.  We don’t need to create extra work for an everyday event that is unnecessary.

I suggest the complete opposite approach.  I can admit the crust is a bit harder to chew, so instead of stressing about it, tackle it first and save the best part for last.  That makes the last bite that much better…ah, the soft middle bite that offers the most gooey part of the fluffernutter.

Do we want our kids chasing every frivolous desire, or do we want them tough enough to tackle the tough challenges first so they can enjoy life’s finer points that much more?

Seems like an easy decision to me.

We are a crust-on type of family.

That’s what I thought until I walked into the kitchen this morning.

Mrs. Dude, we need to talk…

Eat the Crust First

Eat the Crust First

Daily Pixels: Dude Family Vacation

The Dude has been on hiatus due to a family vaca and some raucous dude named Earl.  However, we’re all home safe and sound now, so the posting can resume.

Not only can the Dude pack a dishwasher like no one’s business, but the packing skills handed down through the generations carry over to the family truckster as well.

Even Beans found a spot.

Keep in mind, this was a four day trip.  And you can’t see the four people, two additional dogs, and other miscellaneous items strategically packed in the front.

Family Truckster

Family Truckster

Lessons From the Front Lines – Week One

PeaceAfter a day and a half at the hospital (one overnight), the Dude, the Mrs., and Little Dude joined the Princess back at Casa de Dude, and we’ve all fumbled our way triumphantly through the Little Dude’s first week on Earth.  Happy one week b-day Little Dude.

Looking back on the blur of the first seven days, some lessons are evident.

1. Mom’s are tough as nails…except when they cry…then they need lots of hugs.  Birth is a doozey, and that’s just the beginning.  At one point the Mrs. compared the early pains of breastfeeding to “monkey’s beating on my chest”…not sure if she’s actually had this experience, but point is well taken…mommying is painful.  Added to the physical pain are sleepless nights, complete loss of personal space, and mental somersaults that accompany a constant pull in every direction at once.

2.  Dads aren’t too shabby either.  True, Dads don’t endure the physical pain, but the mental somersaults are just as much a part of their life trying to balance the increasing priorities within a decreasing scope of time.  Sleepless nights are sleepless nights to Mommies and Daddies; someone needs to burp and change the boy after Mom feeds him, and the Princess and pooches still need breakfast come morning.  I have no idea how a single parent functions.

3.  The rest of the tribe is almost as important as Mom and Dad.  As the saying goes, “It takes a village…”  Babies change everything in an instant, and other members of the “parent club” recognize the magnitude of this transition and actively offer support without a request.  It seems like it’s just understood that it’s needed.  No one has offered to setup a trust fund for him yet, but gestures as simple as dropping off dinner help a day flow smoothly.

This voluntary assistance also extends to the Princess who has happily taken on the role of big sister without a fuss.

4.  Nature is amazing!  This boy is incredible, growing and changing on a daily basis, and to think a short seven days ago he was housed inside of another human being.  Millions of minute interactions occurring at precise moments to bring the tiny lad into our lives.  Thanks Mama Nature.

5.  The Moby rocks.  It allows you to wrap the baby around you using a simple cloth as I imagine our ancestors have done for quite a while.  Allowing for hands-free mobility, and letting the Dude and Little Dude cruise around the yard watering the gardens and taking in the scenery.

6.  A battery operated swing and bouncy chair come in very handy.  I’m not sure I would say a must, but pretty darn close to a must.

7.  All hail the swaddle!  I’ll spare you the detailed descriptions of this relatively boring topic, but if you know anyone with an infant, or expecting, I highly recommend “The Happiest Baby on the Block” by Dr. Karp.  Here’s a video that shows some of the techniques in action.