Say It Ain’t So: TSA for Kids

A few weeks ago, I threatened to start a series of posts categorized as “Say It Ain’t So,” where the Dude could wax poetically about the ridiculousness of the world we live in. I was half joking, but I continue to be amazed by ridiculous ridiculousness, so I’ve decided to follow through…for at least one more post.

First it was Kidazania, but now The Man is pulling out all the stops with his craftiness.

Fan of TSA? Like being faced with the great choice of walking through copious amounts radiation so dudes in a back room can look at a naked version of you OR being forcibly groped, just so you can sit in a tin can banging elbows with the dude next to you and not being offered free peanuts?!  Seems like a blast, and definitely something free Americans who demonstrate no threat should be forced to endure in order to travel on a plane.

Right, the terrorists. They attacked by taking over planes before; I’m sure they couldn’t come up with another way to attack if they want to. Perhaps attaching bombs to themselves and blowing up public facilities (without TSA) like they do every day in the Middle East?

We’re so reactionary. Uh oh, caught a shoe bomber. Everyone take their shoes off from now on. Dude, they already tried that…and somehow you stumbled into stopping them. My guess is he must have had a big sign that said “I have a bomb in my shoe.” How about you try to stay a step ahead rather than continually trying to build fear in the populace to cover up your inept attempts to keep people safe.

Or maybe that’s the evil plan. Keep people scared and slowly remove their rights in the name of keeping them safe until we lose the ability, and the will, to say no.

Good luck stopping the “bomb implants” they  are now scaring us with (and by “they” I mean The Man, not the terrorists). How far can we take this? Will we all be getting a surgical procedure in order to board a plane?

If the “terrorists,” whatever that actually means, want to hurt people, they can…in a million different ways. The high school dropouts running the TSA checkpoints are not going to save us.

But they sure as shit will steal your stuff and/or make your grandmother remove her Depends to give a full search…of a clearly dangerous 105 pound, 95 year old woman, in a wheelchair.

But I digress…Say it ain’t so. A toy TSA scanner so every child in America can enjoy the fun it is to scan and search other free, unarmed, and non-dangerous children! Awesome!…and only $14.41 on Amazon!

Seriously, please say it ain’t so. Is the world really this crazy? Then again, that little punk in the picture sure does look like he’s having fun getting searched…maybe I’m the crazy one.

The Man sure is crafty. Is Kidzania using these yet?…they must be.

Update: It’s seems like a full-time job reporting on the blunders of the TSA, and I’m not looking for another job, but this news item was well timed, and too juicy to pass by this morning. Less than 12 hours after writing the above post, this morning’s headline reads: “Lawmakers Blast TSA Over 25k Security Breaches.” Yes, that’s 25,000 security breaches from 2001 to 2011. I feel safer already…good thing we’re giving up our liberties.

Week 45: Lovin’ Life

Little Dude is approaching the 11 month mark. Mrs. Dude and I are pretty close to being the proud parents of a one year old. A one year old?! How did that happen? Where did the time go?

Wow. It’s a whirlwind, but it’s so fun, and Little Dude is coming into his own a little more every day.

He’s starting to clap, walking behind a new toy Grammie got for him, and overall enjoying his existence. A super happy guy, which makes me a super happy guy.

Here’s a quick view of L.D. enjoying life…

Ridin’ Dirty

Ridin' Dirty

Ridin' Dirty

For those of you not as down with the Hip Hop community as the Dude, ridin’ dirty is slang for:

the act of driving with illegal weapons or drugs. First coined by Houston Rap group U.G.K.(Bun B and Pimp C) In a song “ridin dirty”

“Somebody told the laws that Bun was the one ridin dirty.”

Mrs. Dude and I don’t let Little Dude play with illegal weapons or drugs just yet, but he’s been ridin’ dirty baby style for the past week; a walker!

The Dude’s parental units graced us with their presence last weekend, and while visiting the Mrs. mentioned that we recently ordered a “walker” for the Boy. Grammie then proceeded to explain that the “toy” we just ordered, and is now being delivered,  does not pass the Grammie-nurse standards; it should not be called a “walker” because it doesn’t teach a baby to walk, and it’s actually an accident waiting to happen because kids roll down stairs in them.

While Grammie was preaching her Grammie-nurse laws of the land (which are almost always accurate regardless of how much I try to resist them), Papa was chiming in asking her if walkers are outlawed.

Is Walmart now selling black market baby products?  That helps explain how they keep their prices so low.

To add insult to injury, the first thing Grammie-nurse #2, aka Nina, said was “kids roll down stairs in those.”  And I believe she half-jokingly referred to it as “the death trap” when she saw it.

Sweet, we’re providing deadly toys for our son, and the Grammie’s don’t approve.  Thanks Walmart.

Oh well, it was already paid for and on the way.  Hope Little Dude is tough.

Can’t wait to hear the I told you so’s when he rolls off the cliff we let him play on.